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Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

0 posted 1999-10-04 04:52 PM

.

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth (edited 11-04-1999).]

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

1 posted 1999-10-04 05:25 PM

I think this poem would be better if you didn't rhyme it. It sounds like forced rhyme, and distracts me away from the whole effect.

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

2 posted 1999-10-04 05:27 PM

You may be right, Temptress, but I'm not sure-I do like to rhyme my poetry, because I know if I get too much into free verse, I'll never become any better at rhyme.

Witch's Brat
Member

since 1999-09-17

Posts 100

3 posted 1999-10-04 08:41 PM

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

4 posted 1999-10-04 10:16 PM

Well, I'm partial to rhyme myself, especially when one uses internal rhyme. I thought this was pretty good myself.
Good job, Elizabeth.

------------------
Michael Anderson

When God puts a tear in your eye,
He puts a rainbow in your heart.

JennyLee
Senior Member

since 1999-09-01

Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.

5 posted 1999-10-04 10:20 PM

I'm sure I like it!

Jenny

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

6 posted 1999-10-04 10:34 PM

Thank you, Jenny and Michael. I too like internal rhyme-have been experimenting with it lately.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

"Something sweet, something sort of grandish, sweeps my soul when thou art near..."

Dragoness
Senior Member

since 1999-08-07

Posts 513

7 posted 1999-10-05 09:15 AM

Nicely done.Like this one!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

8 posted 1999-10-06 11:11 PM

thanks, Dragoness...

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

"Something sweet, something sort of grandish, sweeps my soul when thou art near..."

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