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Dark Poetry #1
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Countryside Magic" - Critique Please!
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Countryside Magic" - Critique Please! |
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Malcolm Coleman Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 24United Kingdom |
I don't know if this is the correct forum to post this poem, but I do hope it is. I'm really looking for critique on where this poem can go. It is a complete article at the moment, but I just have the feeling that it can expand somehow, so comments about what I currently have, AND about possible expansion would be GREATLY appreciated, thank you. Countryside Magic The soft wind, like liquid, Caresses his face, The smell of the damp earth Is what he can taste. His keen ears are soothed By the rippling leaves, Within him the countryside Magic is weaved. But if you look close At this picture of peace, You'll see his eyes shining With barely held tears. For he pines to be able To see what he feels, The indescribable beauty Tranquility yields. Suff'ring alone Hating his eyes Aching to see Not just surmise Cursing his life Having to guess Needing release From his darkness Heavy thoughts swirling in his tortured mind Trying to work themselves into a line Why should he even continue to live If this is all that his own world will give? The soft wind, like liquid, Caresses his face, The smell of the damp earth No more he will taste. His keen ears no longer are Soothed by the leaves, Is countryside magic As pure as it seems? ============================================= < !signature--> ** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake. [This message has been edited by Malcolm Coleman (edited 04-02-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Malcolm Coleman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN |
This is a beautiful poem. Maybe you should post it in Critical Analysis.  Good luck and good job |
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LeeSabina Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 10 |
Re; Countryside Magic, This poem gave me an ache in my heart when I read it.I could relate to it and I could feel the struggle inside.Very well written! |
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Malcolm Coleman Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 24United Kingdom |
Thanx for posting guys, I've re-posted the poem in Critical Analysis, thanks for the suggestion, just_another_fe. LeeSabina, thank you for your words, greatly appreciated. Malcolm ** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake. |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN |
Hi again malcolm lol i forgot to say WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! heres a candle it gets kinda dark in here sometimes ~Angie  |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Welcome Malcolm, this was wonderful and full of lovely imagery. You'll find the forum you prefer soon. But I hope you'll stay here in Dark or visit regularly for I love your work There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Malcolm, I hope you stay too! Wow! I loved this poem. The sense of it got to me. Great work.  Joy Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old time is still a-flying, And this same flower that smiles today To-morrow will be dying. -Robert Herrick |
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Malcolm Coleman Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 24United Kingdom |
Well, thank you all for the kind words and welcomes, I really appreciate them. I'm hopefully going to be around for a bit, but I can't guarantee to be regular by any means, as I am constantly trying to do college work. Thanks again Malcolm ** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake. |
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