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| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
And she said to me "You're ugly." I replied "I know." And she said to me "You're worthless." So I replied "I'm sorry." And she asked me "How does it feel to be ugly? How does it feel to be worthless? Do you know your PREVENTING me from making more friends?" And I replied "I'm sorry." And she hit me Punched me Bloody nose Broken teeth And I said "I'm sorry." While coughing up blood and vomit Spitting out fragments of loathing And I let it happen. But then he said "I love you." And my teras ran plentiful enough to fill a lake For I knew I was ugly And wothless I knew I didn't deserve him But my heart betrayed me I said "I love you, too." And I ran Ran from the ugliness The worthlessness Ran from her. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Systematic Decay - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
This is so vividly brutal.... |
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Deep Blue Me Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 396By a big lake |
How did this lifesong slip through so heedlessly? Jen, you're right it is brutal. Brutality in its most lasting form, mental anguish. And very cleanly expressed mental anguish at that. Give this another look, PLEASE! Nice Sys, very nice. DB |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
Ah my Little Bear... your words shall echo forever. All good things come around again.. So glad this did. JL  ------------------ Love is an attempt at penetrating another being,But it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Sys, I do not know how this slipped through the crack either. Arghh, tormenting poem. "Broken Teeth"...aack. I can feel your anguish. Michael |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Once again, DB, I must thank you for pushing this back up. ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Well expressed Sys....excellent! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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MG4 New Member
since 1999-11-06
Posts 5chicago il. 60172 |
seriously, broken teeth you were really struggling when you wrote this one. What the heck, this is supposed to be dark and depressing and I see no darkness in broken teeth. Sys why dont you pass this on to the teen poem area. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
MG4, you don't see anything dark in one person abusing another, breaking their teeth, causing them to cough up blood? You don't see any darkness in the lines "For I knew I was ugly And worthless I knew I didn't deserve him" ? Can you back up your opinions a bit more? Besides, ahve you ever had a broken tooth? It is sheer agony- the emotion I was trying to convey. Sorry if it didnt work for you. ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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