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Dark Poetry #1
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Liberation
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Liberation |
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moebius Junior Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 11 |
Bright but bleak This coldness surrounds me I cannot breathe I try to fight back But slowly it besieges me Imprisoning me in darkness From this new chamber My senses are abated And I am left to dream Well that's my first ever submission and my discovery of this forum could not have been better timed, as I am losing the ability to evaluate my own work. It is a relief to find others out there like me and though I haven't commented on many yet (I'm supposed to be working) I have read some great poems and hope to live up to these high standards. |
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| © Copyright 2000 moebius - All Rights Reserved | |||
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devinmaria Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 130Middletown, Ohio |
i like this because i can relate it to feelings ive had many times an di think i am feeling right now. feeling so trapped. and i dream of a time when it wont be this way. well said!! Trust I seek and I find in you. Everyday for us something new. Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters. --Metallica |
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ill_tactics Member
since 2000-02-11
Posts 149 |
And I am left to Dream... I'm always dreaming, trying to escape my cruel reality, but though my dreams seem somewhat like the beginning of your poem. And so my reality, exactly like the beginning of my poem still haunts me. But this is good work, believe me, you lived up to "those" standards. Much love, One love, PEACE |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
moebius, Hello and welcome to Passions!! Nice to meet you...I related to what you said here, about evaluating your own work, I think many of us are the same way...we are to "close" to our work, and sometimes too critical of our own words to be a good judge...thats why this place is such a gift...your poem is very good...it has lots of imagery and poetic words for how few lines it has, and makes its statment and has impact. I like the use of the word abate. Look forward to more of your work.take care janet marie "...we were born before the wind...also younger than the sun... and my heart you have won...as we sailed into the mystic... I just want to rock your gypsy soul- just like in the days of old... and together we will float-into the mystic... Van Morrison |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Welcome Moebius to the dark forum. Yes Passions is a wonder, we can receive so much from these hallowed halls. New friends, advice, sympathetic ears, a means to vent, a means to learn and better ourselves not only poetically but as people. You've come to the right place. Hope you enjoy your stay with our family of friends. I too could relate to this poem. Great imagery, a lot said in some ways. Well done  At night the moon became a face, I met the spirit of life, the spirit of love and music. And I am better for it. ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
i also welcome you and could relate to this piece. i think it was a great first submission. and i look forward to more of your work. |
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moebius Junior Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 11 |
I just want to thank you all for you're kind words. It has boosted my confidence in my own work, and I may even risk posting another poem. |
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Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
I really liked your use of the word "besieged" as well as your stlye. Great final words. jannel "I'm just saying that we've mistaken one for thousands of words, and for that mistake I've caused you such pain that I damn that word." -10000 Maniacs "Jezebel" |
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