Tired of Living - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

0 posted 1999-09-19 11:54 PM

TIRED OF LIVING

Laying alone in my bed one night,
My thirty-eight special tight in hand.
With feelings of love and hate and pain,
No one else ever would understand.

The anniversary of the day you left,
My how the time hath flown.
Another year in the ashes of love, bereft,
One too many years on my own.

I looked around at the shadowy essence
That seemed to consume my room.
Musky and dampened, foul and dense,
The ungodly gift of gloom.

I saw the picture hanging on the wall,
Two roses in a crystal vase.
And I had to smirk at the broken dream-
Life had led me to chase.

But I was tired of chasing a voice in the wind.
I was tired of loving and giving.
I was tired of heartache, anguish, and remorse.
My God, I was tired of living.

I was tired of dreaming and seeing your face.
Tired of feelings that could never be shown.
I was tired of sleeping with a memory,
And I was tired of waking alone.

Then I thought of all my accomplishments,
Nothing remained to be proved.
For all my life I'd accomplished nothing,
So without further ado, I moved.

Setting aside all my fears,
I stood up from the bed.
Taking a deep sigh, I wiped the tears,
Remembering every word you said.

All those broken promises of love,
Oh my feelings were well fed.
You were the only thing I was thinking of-
When I put the barrel to my head.

I felt the trigger, hot and burning,
Melting the ice off my finger.
It only took a split second,
But how the moment seemed to linger.

I saw my brains slap their reflection-
In the mirror's tainted glass,
As the side of my face fell to pieces,
Waiting, a painless moment to pass.

I saw the blood spatter the carpet,
And the gun fall to the floor.
As my body fell back to the bed-
That we once shared before.

A fitting place for me to die,
The place my emotions were born.
The place they bloomed and blossomed full,
Then, without warning, were torn.

And as I slowly slipped away,
My spirit rising above the bed.
I saw your face and then I smiled,
Then alas, I was dead.

For Patrick W. Berrigan

May you find in soul given rebirth-
The peace you never found here on earth.
May you see, if but, from heaven above-
You were never alone, you held our love.

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

1 posted 1999-09-20 12:20 PM

i want to be the first to comment on this eloquent poem because i am sure that it will set a record for response. this is very good.

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite

since 1999-07-25

Posts 2646
Arkansas

2 posted 1999-09-20 12:24 PM

I read this over twice....wow. I sit here in tears as I read this....you have a gift...allowing others to see through your eyes...I cannot imagine, or at least I couldn't until I read this. At first I thought you were writing it from your own experience - - my heart sank to depths you wouldn't believe......

Absolutely breathtaking......in a horrific sort of way.

------------------
I beckon you to come...I lure you with my tongue... - poet FemmeFatale

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

3 posted 1999-09-20 12:57 PM

You work wonders with emotion yourself, fellow night fiend.

------------------
Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©

PhaerieChild
Senior Member

since 1999-08-30

Posts 1787
Aloha, Oregon

4 posted 1999-09-20 03:53 PM

Michael,
I was so saddened when I read this because I was afraid for you. Then I realized that it wasn't you but someone else and that was even sadder because you knew this person and obviously valued his friendship. The emotion played out so eloquently and I'm glad you shared this with us though you have my sympathies for the loss of your friend in this life

------------------
Words lay dormant in the recesses of the mind til called forth to a labor of love. By WildChild

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

5 posted 1999-09-21 07:31 AM

Didn't mean to scare you all - I assure you I'm still hangin' around - at least for awhile. Seriously, this was a very sad event in my life, I thank you all for your compassion.

------------------
Michael Anderson

And so, being young and dipt in folly
I fell in love with melancholy,
But dreams - of those who dream as I,
Aspiringly, are damned, and die:

EAP

JennyLee
Senior Member

since 1999-09-01

Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.

6 posted 1999-09-21 07:34 AM

What more can I say, that I haven't said before...you are The Dark Forum!

Jenny

dhuron
Member

since 2000-03-19

Posts 476

7 posted 2000-04-15 10:06 AM

Wow Michael, It has all been said. I agree with JennyLee, you are the Dark Forum. Such Power and emotion unlike any I have read before.

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, not the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

HelenaJ
Member

since 2000-04-04

Posts 81
Kitchener, ont. Canada

8 posted 2000-04-15 11:49 AM

That truely envoked a feeling I had not yet felt. Beautifully morbid. Once again, sympathies for your loss.

NamelessOne
Member

since 2000-04-09

Posts 197
Biloxi MS

9 posted 2000-04-15 02:00 PM

Micheal my friend what an amazing piece,i sit here stunned as i type this having read through it a third time and each time its more powerful than the last .My heart is filled with sorrow for the loss of your friend and i hope he found the peace that he was looking for.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

10 posted 2000-04-15 02:29 PM

That was a heartbreaking piece to read. How moving to feel the emotion, and how much it must have hurt to write it. There must be a place for pain where comfort shines in elegance, and sorrow is removed much like the mist at dawn. A place where water doesn't flood, but anoints and memories linger into a beautiful sunset. A place to be remembered as someone with dignity, honor and cherish their presence in your life. A place where messages of love and understanding are delivered in a flash of light, poetically, and understood with healing and peace.

Kathleen

Joel the wolf
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 1333
Angels Camp

11 posted 2000-04-15 04:55 PM

We have roots here my friend.
too much to say, not enough cyber space to put it.
A word of great would diminish the essence, I can only leave with this.
They know we still love them.
Joel.

I howl a mornful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel.

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

12 posted 2000-04-15 10:48 PM

dhuron, Thank you so much,

HelenaJ, that is the ultimate compliment - to bring forth emotion one has never felt. TY

NamelessOne, I can only hope the same.

IrishRose, thank you for such a heartfelt reply. Touches me deeply.

Joel, Indeed, my friend.

Thank you all for the kind replies.

Michael

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

13 posted 2000-04-15 11:53 PM

Powerful emotions and imagery here Michael, and I'm with Joel, they know we think of them.
*hugs*

A heart and soul are not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others...
~Isis~
(Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit)

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

14 posted 2000-04-16 06:21 AM

Michael sorry about the loss of your friend..the writing is magnificent..James

Broken
Member

since 2000-03-12

Posts 271
The woods

15 posted 2000-04-16 01:39 PM

This one was truly amazing, beautiful yet so terrifying. I'm very sorry for your loss Michael. Take care
Yours truly
~Broken

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token"
~Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849) "The Raven"

Shandelier
Junior Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 22
Canada

16 posted 2000-04-16 08:15 PM

i loved your poem and feel your grief. you have a talent not posessed by many. i too have a poem much the same as this one, but feared it would be taken wrong,,,,hmmmm maybe i'll post it. thanks for sharing
Shandelier

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.