»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #1
»
Dark Love
| Dark Poetry #1 |
|
Dark Love |
|
|
Tony New Member
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5 |
We pant in the dark, Our scent burns our nostrils, We moan as our bodies swallow each other, This is our dialog... This is our heat. Now, we think, as we touch, this passion could kill us...this kiss could turn to stone. Lovers are sometimes found alone...floating face down on their beds... Love is a dangerous word. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Tony - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Passion unbridled and well written. Welcome to the dark forum Tony. Awaiting more  Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
||
|
Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
You said it very well, enjoyed this very much. Very nice lines. |
||
|
Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Hi, again just had an after thought, this poem would be just effective without the last line, try ending with lovers are sometimes found alone floating facedown on their beds. That is a really cool line and would make a very neat ending. Hope to see more of your poetry. |
||
|
summer Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 80long beach .ca.usa |
This poem was very dark full of our unspoken pains but full of love too. I loved the "pain" it broght me...I would have to disagree with the comment about the last line I think the last line fits well with the title.. |
||
|
Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
I agree with septsong that "floating facedown" would be a powerful final image, but your last line is very important, too. And I completely agree with that sentiment. The second two lines are wonderful. Jannel |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
A dangerous word indeed ! Liked this a lot and uhh for what it's worth, I do like the last line. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
