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broken will
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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broken will |
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baerlon Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 197Youngstown and East Liverpool, Ohio, USA |
They expect it Beyond all of which you need They expect it Forgotten till needed They expect it It is whom they made you They expect it Never speak against them They expect it No attitude, no resistance No opinions, no life On top of that no love They expect that baerlon This is not one of me best works, but with the writers block i seem to have right now it is all i could think of at the moment. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jason M. Mays - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Hmmm..How could anyone passed up such a poem for so long? This one made me think. It seems to be about someone's parents. Anyone else have an opinion?? Don't gain my affections and cover my eyes. In blindness I will only swing harder. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
baerlon: i love the poem for all except one element... the repeating line tends to distract me rather than guide me somewhere around the 3rd repetition... perhaps if you variated it somewhat here and there (like you did with the last two lines)... all the other lines were wonderful...  sincerely, jerome the boy with no soul A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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