»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #1
»
The Great Wall of Me
| Dark Poetry #1 |
|
The Great Wall of Me |
|
|
armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Rendering China doll with stained glass eyes. Contamination building made of sinister debris Classic Aggitaion... wakes the subserviant echo. Fracture lines appear perverting the life within. Egg yolk yielding, a smell of crimson mist. Longing for the butterfly glove that left its impression in me. Daises dance around bringing out poignant behavior. Reflections of you remain... contorted for evidence Staining my eyes... leaves the doll behind, kissing the china wall. Carman What do ya'll think of this title? [This message has been edited by armanca (edited 01-25-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Carman - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Liked the poem indeed, the title? It's not quite right somehow, but at present the light isn't illuminated. Let me think on it..sorry...I'll have to think about it more.  Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
||
|
armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Isis..thanks for the comments. The title was suppose to be along the lines of "the great wall of china"...and that's where i was trying to change the words a bit. I'll be thinking of something better also... Thanks Carman |
||
|
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
carman: i doubt i understand all the nuiances of this poem, but i sincerely like it... i like it quite a bit actually... your words paint the picture of the doll quite well... keep up the good work  sincerely, jerome the boy with no soul A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Condemned walls of me, Condemned building that was me? There are two ideas for you> It IS a hard one to name alright!! Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
||
|
armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Poetry_Kills...You are so kind to always reply. *smile* Thank you so much. As for the meanings...well I think it is safe to say we can take our own meanings from it. I know exactly what each sentence means when i read it. Isis...What about "Inner Doll"...or something like that? I suppose i need to play on those words there. Carman |
||
|
summer Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 80long beach .ca.usa |
Great Poem...I love the way you put your words together...I love the title too...Keep up the great work. |
||
|
Bojopy Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391 |
WOW this was excellent Carman! I have a suggestion for the title. "Aphorism" ok you might have to look that up LOL and I'm not going to tell you LOL "Write down what you say if what you say is not written down" (Bojopy) |
||
|
armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Thank you very much Summer. And Bojopy...thank you. I did have to look that up. I will definitly consider that. Thanks for writing.. I miss you my friend. Carman |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
