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Wheels & Hooves
| Open Poetry #32 |
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Wheels & Hooves |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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Wheels & Hooves Somehow, I am sure, my first set of wheels were at least four set in buggy ride; then, growth took over and I must have glowed in happy on three. Then, as youth stepped in, I biked on two with streamers…and wide tires, not the new thin of the “rich” kids kind, but Nevermind, they got me to destinations with pigtails flying… they watched the blond halo of their child fly into the flood of light going into forever and beyond and perhaps there was a glimmering riling of wet down either of their cheeks a slight catch in their throats. ~*~ Then I spoke to the old ways of hooves and hair and warm wet lips of a neigh in tremble of the ride ~ she quivered beneath me ready, ready to go and more than pigtails flew, into more than a beyond… and now here, remembering the flight of that day remembering freedom. April 24, 2004 |
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| © Copyright 2004 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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azblond Senior Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 637The Steamy Desert |
I like the latter better, but I have to admit...I sometimes fear if I tried either now they both would make me fall off...so it was wonderful to read of the memory! Let my words fall first upon deaf ears before a closed mind... |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Truly enjoyable to read. Thanks for sharing! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Very much enjoyed this Karilea. Hope your weekend is going well.  Hugs. To have lived the dream of a love so true... |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I got a Q, okay mum? No reason in particular I ask you except that you're the poet who's most recently reminded me of it. What's the purpose of strange & unusual line breaks? Are they aesthetically pleasing somehow? I do NOT mean to demean your craft or insult your technique, I am seriously inquiring as to the inner-workings of your art that make you say "hmm, let's put the line break here, even though the pause is a bit unusual in the flow of the sentence." Like--- quote: &c. Email me if you'd rather not contaminate your poem's thread with poetic theory, or whatever. Anyways! On to actually enjoying the poem-- One thing I KNOW I love about your craft is your skillful use of breaks between parts of the poem, to connote passage of time, growth, etc. I found that very effective in the middle of this poem and really helped me to see the grand scope of what you were saying from a point of view in time. I always love your reflective writings, I find them touching & somehow instructive. Believe me, I've tried them myself, and they're difficult for me. Especially in the end, how you not only describe your memory but draw a conclusion from it. That, my dear lady, is how to properly write poetry in reflection. One Mr. W. Wordsworth would certainly be proud of this. Much love Brian |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, Bri boy...let's talk to the whole crowd. If one thing, I am a little more equipped now, than five years ago, to taking constructive criticism, especially yours. A delft touch, yours. Let's see... it could be that minute brain shocks scatter thoughtwaves...  or that I think like Willie Nelson... "they" have always said he's a half-beat short of the music... or ahead of it... sometimes I think it's my heartbeat... which has always been a tad off-beat [I'm not even supposed to be here, y'know...] maybe maybe my voice perhaps my voice has a sound stage that others might learn to accept, someday. Maybe I'm not supposed to make sense. Perhaps, as you so kindly said... quote: perhaps I am not to be emulated...  All in all, Bri-boy...I will always be your "mom" and I will always, always watch your progress. |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Sunshine, I love the way this naturally meandered from wheels to hooves. I feel as though I watched it all. ~Sadie~ |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this brings back some memories, and will keep me thinking all day long |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
However you write....does not matter, for this brought back many of my own thoughts of yesteryears, going from four to three, etc.... Loved it! |
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Fagin Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 126Ca |
Ahh Sis Movies for the mind.... The voices are calling again |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Karilea -- now this is a favorite of mine and into my library for rainy days -- wonderful conveyance of the feeling! We flew on the air together I think!  .....jo |
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