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Open Poetry #32
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The Wall Of My Heart
| Open Poetry #32 |
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The Wall Of My Heart |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla 
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The wall that was up is now torn down the smile that I had is now turnt into a frown. The kisses you used to give our no longer there. The way you used to run your hands through my hair. The twinkle in your eyes are gone. Just the look of pity and demise is what I see. The tears I cry for you are no longer here. I cried my last and final tear. The wall is up and willnot be knocked down. I will not have my life turnt ouside down\ needs editing bad but what u guys think Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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| © Copyright 2004 Julie O'Neill - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
This has some potential, but you're right thinking it needs some work. I can only offer one piece of advice if you are going to use form poetry make sure your metre rings true. If you are going to do free verse don't try so hard to rhyme. Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
thanks  I wasnt trying to rhym it just happens that wayFool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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ctowen Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286Green Mountains of VT |
Definite potial, perhaps once you have it on paper you should reread it with the amount of emotion you want it to carry ... ... then try it with passion, fear, pain .... by doing this it will help you find the power behind your words. Let your emotions flow! *S |
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