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Open Poetry #32
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Critical Reading before Edits Required
| Open Poetry #32 |
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Critical Reading before Edits Required |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I undressed the page slipping one word then the other off bared pale erotic in my own tease of careful fold one meaning here another there bits revealed of this or that till not yet stripped of all enough could be seen and teased between the creases lines drawn I stared so much shown I sighed so little you said.... as you picked up a pen and scribbled one word across the edge then tore it rough layered shatter of white to hand to me... lust was what it said but inside the very threads that held the tiny scrap I saw a finer word... of tenderness instead |
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| © Copyright 2004 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ron "lust was what it said but inside the very threads that held the tiny scrap I saw a finer word... of tenderness instead" Oh lovely, lovely!!! |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"so much shown I sighed so little you said...." lol...yes... Love it Ron. "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Very very nice Captain... Very nice indeed. Hugs~ Something tugs at me, I've no doubt of that. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
yer so beautiful...  |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
scribbled one word across the edge'' There's a place I like to hide-open your mind to me-Visualise your dream- Record it in the present tense, I am smiling next to you, in silent lucidity |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
a fine line between too little and too much... Your writing is justtt right. Whoops I just edited a preposition! Editing is endless, so it seems. Sadelite |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Clever you -- this is cute and coy! Core |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
"so much shown I sighed so little you said.... as you picked up a pen and scribbled one word across the edge then tore it rough layered shatter of white to hand to me... lust was what it said but inside the very threads that held the tiny scrap I saw a finer word... of tenderness instead" ```````````````````````````````````````````````````` it takes alot of experience and compassion to see what you saw...in that tiny little scrap.  most people cant see past their "pen"  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
bits revealed of this or that till not yet stripped of all enough could be seen and teased between the creases lines drawn I stared so much shown I sighed so little you said.... as you picked up a pen and scribbled one word across the edge then tore it rough layered shatter of white to hand to me... =============================== you know of course that Im going to shout-- I WISH I HAD WROTE THIS!!!! |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Cpat - This one really touched me. I see you are very good at reading between lines and writing between them, as well!  ...jo |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
this just proves the why of why I stop and read everytime I see your name....you really should be published, your writing just screams to be read |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
It sure is read too! Now this makes me want to learn braille lovely! |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
very nice very very nice how's that for poetic language |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
but inside the very threads that held the tiny scrap I saw a finer word... ~*~ You do raise the bar higher, each and every time. |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Pretty cool.... |
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