Diminished by Degrees (duet with muted)

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eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

0 posted 2004-05-27 10:21 AM

Diminished by Degrees

I don’t have the patience
to wait for the layers
of fake to peel away.

Even though I see through
each and every facade you
put forth to the world.

Regardless of masks,
you are transparent-
down to the very
vacancy of your soul.

Only the Lonely was on
the radio somewhere
where streetlamps were
mistaken for stars.

It’s there traded dignity
for whim or want
and the lustful call
of baited compliment.

And I cant be bothered
wiping the lipstick
away from soiled lips
that have lied to me
too many times to leave
me with what little
belief I ever had in you.

I think of the women I
have hurt, before I found
you; your hair left upon
the pillow.  My shadow
shuddering to the window
to find my faith in you
once so strong, now diminished
by degrees.  Across the massive
chasm that is your charm, peaks
of truth poke out like evergreens
on a snowy mountainside.  To
comprehend the fixed body, that
shadow on the wall, I thought was you,
but was only my imagination.

You do not exist-
whatever you once were
was long since abandoned
or sold for a monetary figure-
or best offer.

If my brain recalls your
name it will be just a
vessel to recall my growth
because of you.  As I float
across the land now plentiful
with redwoods, once barren
from the layers you pealed
away.

Beauty is truth, truth beauty

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2004-05-27 11:36 AM

Now, this duet is carefully voiced...as if both parts of a mind were speaking...and each one comes through clear and sound. Wonderful!

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

2 posted 2004-05-27 04:49 PM

where streetlamps were
mistaken for stars

now I know who this belongs to.

eor and muted, you both write beautifully together. What a wonderful collaboration.

Maree

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

3 posted 2004-05-27 08:06 PM

Believe it or not Maree, Eor put that in the poem (not me!)
Eor is so easy to work with and so friendly he really did just run with this...and I love it!

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

4 posted 2004-05-27 09:33 PM

This is very poignant.

Susan

The whole of the Universe resides within each individual heart.

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

5 posted 2004-05-27 09:36 PM

Excellent duet!! Congrats you two! Chris

Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
Hans Christian Anderson

Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

6 posted 2004-05-28 01:19 PM

Across the massive
chasm that is your charm

this stood out and grabbed me.

really good read.

snow

"yet each man kills the thing he loves
by each let this be heard,
some do it with a bitter look,
some with a flattering word"
oscar wilde

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

7 posted 2004-05-28 04:13 PM

Very nice job you two!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

8 posted 2004-05-28 07:30 PM

thanks everybody

Beauty is truth, truth beauty

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

9 posted 2004-05-28 10:19 PM

very nice blend

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

10 posted 2004-05-29 05:23 PM

Bravo, you two!

....jo

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

11 posted 2004-05-29 05:30 PM

Eor and muted on stage together, I applaud.
Love, Margherita

wings of the moon
Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 323
Pink bubblegum land

12 posted 2004-06-18 10:25 AM

I've dug this up after reading about it on the challenge page, must say i'm impressed, only critic is that bit:

"It’s there"

otherwise, this deserves a bump, duets should be done more often for being this succesful...

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

13 posted 2004-06-18 10:40 AM

enjoy your read

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

14 posted 2004-06-18 11:25 PM

I meant to comment on this 1st time around, happy it was brought back.

Solid and seamless, wonderful imagery...everything poetry should be.

Well done you two

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

15 posted 2004-06-19 05:09 AM

impressive

you two should do this more

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