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Open Poetry #31

Don't Give Me Death

chinadude89
Junior Member

since 2004-02-03

Posts 31
Texas

0 posted 2004-02-04 07:22 PM

* * *
In the past I have been going through a lot of bullying. Now I have gotten my respect. This is a little idea of what I did and thought. I wrote this thing back in December. I don't know if this is appropriate, if it isn't let me know and I will delete it. but mainly its just about winning your right. So I don't know.
* * *

Life is precious to me,
But the things I go through,
I'm afraid I'll have to slice my tree,
In order to diminish these despicable rules.

Though I have many friends,
Which are all very nice to me.
I can't join their group because of there trends.

Though I love my family.
There rules and personality,
Just torture me.

I have a knife that's in disguise,
Oh please spare me,
I'll give them another try.
They must understand that I'm not like the free.

I will unleash my anger,
From deep within,
To scare them 'till they linger.
And to feel my anti-sin.

Believe in my power,
Believe in my soul.
Give me those flowers,
That I have never foretold.

Rid my pain!
Give me respect!
Pure with blood within thy veins,
Venom which I shall inject!

Give me a say,
Or else I'll go.
Then you'll pay,
For this unbearable glow.

Don't make me do it.
I don't want to.
Please let me live with fit.
Please let my wish come true.

Let me go with the flow.
Then my precious life will never go.
Then I will put way the knife.
Just please don't give me death.

[This message has been edited by chinadude89 (02-05-2004 07:10 PM).]

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-02-05 11:26 AM

You're on the right track, but you need to reconsider some words like "moo". Also grammar: their vs. there. Bottom line, what you're trying to express needs to flow easier, more naturally. Edit, tighten up your stanzas. Grover.

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