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The Restless One
| Open Poetry #31 |
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The Restless One |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
The moon barely was able to slide from the sky As the brilliant sun began slowly rising high; I slipped from the alley shadows to darkened room To rest my weary body within the spaces of gloom. Grimy glass beneath the thick black curtains shuttered Least the beaming enter and my peace then be shattered Like the glass in an abandoned dwelling’s window Piercing the dark’s thin skin as if a demon’s arrow. Crumpling on to the floor in a shadow hidden From the day pursuits and demands bidden Resting quietly there to ease the torment to no avail For in sleep those residual nightmares prevail. The day will progress and finally dim its light Then I’ll return again to wander through the night. Gloom |
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| © Copyright 2004 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
This is dark but cleverly done.....The images really leap out at the reader. eric Sorry about the triple post but the work is that good! |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
This is dark but cleverly done.....The images really leap out at the reader. eric |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
This is dark but cleverly done.....The images really leap out at the reader. eric |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, ethome Pleased you enjoyed, Don’t worry about the trippple post, It might be the only response it gets. Gloom |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"This is dark but cleverly done...The images really leap out at the reader." Eric Sorry, I couldn't help myself! Now you got Eric's reply 4 times! lol ~ but I do agree with his comment! You give a whole new meaning to shadows of darkness! You are a master at creating "gloom", Dear Professor!  EA |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Earth Angel, I really don’t create, just report what is around me, Easy enough to do when dreams won’t let you sleep; Pleased you enjoyed. Gloom |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
WOW, What a wonderful read. I loved the darkened theme and you maintained a lowered tone throughout! I loved your choice of words and the meaning hidden in the dark depths of your poem was wonderful! ^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^ I loved this line, it just slides into the poem beautifully! "For in sleep those residual nightmares prevail." Well written ^*~Kimberley~*^  "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Gloomy One~ This is more than clever. I loved the rhythm, the message, and the story. Very well done!  "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
There is something bright within this gloom... Me thinks a clever mind. TD |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Kicking Kim, I find no problem in maintaining a dark mood, Rather the difficulty come in trying to keep from going too dark (had a couple removed here for that) as for the line of the Nightmares prevailing When you’ve had a dark and disturbing dream for decades haunting the nights T’is a constant. Glad you liked these words. Thank you, Susan Caldwell, You praise me with such kindness for so humble of words Thank you, ThisDaimond, Not so clever, just observant. Gloom |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
I don't particularly care for gloom, but you do paint it well. So well that even I understand. That's scary. Give me rather your first two lines: "The moon barely was able to slide from the sky As the brilliant sun began slowly rising high;" Now this brought back good thoughts when I plotted the cycle of the moon and sun for a class. It intriqued me how they could be viewed in the same sky. "Timely operation" as was the development of your poem. I really like to watch how you set the mood for your gloom. Here, it was the word "barely" that first shed a little darkness to me, but yet, you managed to maintain a terrific contrast from these lines to the body of your poem. Yes, Clever, This Diamond, is the word. Sadelite |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Smiling at Sadie...and at Gloom. Apparently teamed is the operative word here! Now, I came back for a second read, because observant is certainly also true... Facinating...You have a way of painting the reality that opens the reader to the feeling predominating...without drowning them in any negativity. That's what is so clever :-) Nice write. TD |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
always enjoy you |
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