and that is my greatest loss

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mytuesdaywishes
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox

0 posted 2004-03-27 05:13 PM

you were something i never understood
where you wandered off to
when your eyelids came between us
i remember coming to the parking lot
just to watch you thrive among the best
in your brave summer skin
three years ago it was
that was before we became
what can only be described
as the single instance in modern day history
of two people really breaking free
of the gravity of things
and that is my sweetest scar
you with your uncommon grace
and your intense way of understanding
and me with my unfaltering idealism
and sugary lack of tact
we were so brilliant together
and i was sure i had the world figured out then
truth was i didn't even know myself well enough
to be misunderstood
but you were older at heart
and you forced me to love myself
when you told me i changed life for you
i laughed because i knew you had forever changed me
and that is my proudest moment
you were the kind to hide from the day
and i was the kind to shield you then
but i was the kind to wake up at night
and you were the kind to fight off my demons
you had a lazy way of leaving though
always at a dreamlike pace
that made me think you were
never coming back
it was your quiet way of making times precious
and that is my rarest memory
the last time you walked away from me
me who learned about life from
your tiptoeing benevolence
me who grew up next to you
on busrides to glorified band concerts
me who will always love you
the last time you left me
it was hurried and alarming
not like all the other times
when you ambled through my afternoons
smiling carefully and flawlessly
at the beautiful disaster we had created
that last time you walked away from this girl
a blink disguised your exit
and only pieces of you looked back at all to see
we had lost something
the silence had become ugly
and that is my greatest regret

joy has its own justice. and dreams are languid and lawless. and everything bows to beauty, when it's fierce and when it's flawless...

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-03-27 06:01 PM

Excellent display of intuitive talent! Some very good images, rythmic! Grover.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

2 posted 2004-03-27 06:47 PM

MTW.....

that was before we became
what can only be described
as the single instance in modern day history
of two people really breaking free
of the gravity of things
and that is my sweetest scar
you with your uncommon grace
and your intense way of understanding
and me with my unfaltering idealism
and sugary lack of tact
we were so brilliant together
and i was sure i had the world figured out then

when you told me i changed life for you
i laughed because i knew you had forever changed me

you had a lazy way of leaving though
always at a dreamlike pace
that made me think you were
never coming back
it was your quiet way of making times precious
and that is my rarest memory
the last time you walked away from me
me who learned about life from
your tiptoeing benevolence
me who grew up next to you
on busrides to glorified band concerts
me who will always love you
the last time you left me
it was hurried and alarming
not like all the other times
when you ambled through my afternoons
smiling carefully and flawlessly
at the beautiful disaster we had created

Love it.
I felt a kind of hush. A moment to hold

Maree

Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2004-03-27 08:46 PM

you were something i never understood
where you wandered off to
when your eyelids came between us

~*~

From the beginning, you indicate great promise with this. An immediate knowing that "love is fleeting".

Enjoyed this very much, dear. Thank you.

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

4 posted 2004-03-27 11:56 PM

"the silence had become ugly
and that is my greatest regret"

you said some things here that really "hit home" with me, and as Maree said I also felt a "kind of hush,a moment to hold"

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

5 posted 2004-03-28 01:36 PM

Outstanding write.
TD

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

6 posted 2004-03-28 02:00 PM

beautiful!!

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

7 posted 2004-03-28 06:53 PM

mtdw

You have a talent of writing truth of feeling with fresh images. Well done!

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

8 posted 2004-03-28 06:56 PM

TuesdayWishes~

'where you wandered off to
when your eyelids came between us'

Originality galore in this beauty ...~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

9 posted 2004-03-28 06:57 PM

Wow!! Just WOW!!!
Hugs~

~The breeze that kissed you on the face,
Has held me in the same embrace ~

SimplyGold
Senior Member

since 2002-07-10

Posts 1453

10 posted 2004-03-28 07:08 PM

Wow, this was fabulous. You have fantastic potential. I truly enjoyed this. MOVING, yes very. Let's have much more. Thank you very much.

SG

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

11 posted 2004-04-01 11:10 PM

Sigh.......
I liked it alot.
Juju

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

12 posted 2004-04-02 01:40 AM

know this well

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