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Open Poetry #31
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Passing through Sunset
| Open Poetry #31 |
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Passing through Sunset |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Pink and purple clouds, Crowds the setting western sky Darkness returns haunting. Thicker dark does fly With drizzle night is falling Calling sadness loud With sorrow we cry Beneath this heavenly shroud All colors fading. Gloom |
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| © Copyright 2004 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Descending through the clouds Waiting for anoinya to vist Doesn't clean the chimney But Pink and purple clouds, Darkness returns haunting. Thicker dark does fly With drizzle night is falling Calling sadness loud With sorrow we cry Beneath this heavenly shroud All colors fading. Dave and some apologies for the words |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Dave, Not sure what you were saying in response but thank you for taking the time to read and respond. Gloom |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Professor, I like your haiku string. In this line, "Thicker dark does fly", it seems like you've used 'does' as a filler. Why not say something like 'thicker dark rises', though to me it seems more natural to have 'thicker dark descend'. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
always love to read you |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Pilgrimage I always like to string on a few, But as for it being a filler, Yeah, but so is the whole poem. Now why did I picked this bit of filler In this particular spot, Perhaps it’s because I like that d d sound I have always liked my d’s close without an and between them Which is why I’ll add mayhem to let it roll Death, destruction and mayhem. Now as for the fly versus descend, Well it was a bit windy and they were technically falling The droplets were very light and the wind very gusty And they seemed to me more of flying at the moment Hmmmm, I guess this word was not just a filler. Thank you, passing shadows, Always nice to be read by you If it can give but just a little to you Gloom |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Though sad, this was gorgeous. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
lived it with you...well done. jwesley |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
When they fade, do they become lighter pastels? The delicacy of the lighter ones has its place among a painting, perhaps blending in the background to heighten contrasts. Professor, I enjoyed your work, as always. [This message has been edited by Sadelite (03-23-2004 05:01 AM).] |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Sorry Professor Your words brought home the idea of a chimney sweep and I though that was your idea Dave |
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