If golf had been around back then
In days of knights and kings
One would have heard a different tune
In songs the minstrel sings.

There would have been no silly jousts
To knock one from one's horse.
All duels would be fought civilly
At Camelot Golf Course.

The beverage cart would have been driven
By sweet Gueneviere
While using all her queenly charms
To peddle Arthur Beer.

The leader would be Putt-A-Lot
Who hit balls with his lance
And wore, instead of armor,
Pink and green and chartreuse pants.

Crusades would not have happened..
There would be no need for war.
The only battle would have been
Defeating evil par!

The Holy Grail would have been
The prize all tried to win
And any three-putts from ten feet
Would be a mortal sin.

There would have been no ravaging
Of virgin maidens then.
All ladies-in-waiting would be waiting
For their missing men.

Ah, yes, golf could have saved the world
Of so much pain and strife
If it had been around back then
To change medieval life!!!

What?  

I see no lance for Sir Long-John
No Putt for Sir Toe's nonsense...
I see no dig nor holes in course ~
What is this, recompense?

You're far too nice a man I fear,
for recent trouncings of Sir Balladeer!