Toerag was drinking at the pub - the thing that he loved most.
That night they gave a trophy to who gave the greatest toast.
Toe raised his frosty mug of beer up high above his head
Then winked to all his barroom pals and this is what he said:

Here's to spending the rest of me life
between the legs of me beautiful wife!

All there agreed it was, by far, the best toast of the night
And Toerag took the trophy home, face beaming with delight.
His wife was waiting up for him. armed with her baseball bat,
Then saw the trophy in his hand and said, "So what is that??"

"They had a contest at the pub. We had a lot of fun...
A trophy for the greatest toast and your sweet hubby won!"
She knew from many years with him the old boy loved to brag
And said, "What was this winning toast that won the cup, Toerag??"

Here's to spending the rest of me life
sitting in church with me beautiful wife!"

Next morning Mrs. Toe was walking to the grocery store
And met LongJohn, who had been at the pub the night before.
"Hey, Mary! Did Toe tell you of the cup he chanced to win
And that it was about YOU?", he smiled, with an evil grin.

"He told me", Mrs. Toe replied. "The toast was very nice
But I don't understand - I mean, he's only been there twice.
First time he fell asleep right in the middle - lazy bum!
The second time I had to twist his ears to make him come!!!"