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Open Poetry #31
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DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917


0 posted 2004-03-12 01:50 PM


I've just cut the wrong words

sorry I didn't write the bit I published

I wrote this

You kissed me on my knees

Yet stood above me

And like love
My love was above me

You sheltered me that night
Your hair was wet with rain
Your eyes were dark and piercing
I will never love again

Your tongue was harsh and demanding
The lights shone through the vest
You placed over my head
I knew I was second best

The cold you broke within me
The frost in the evening night
I have met many women
But never the warmth of fright

You are so a women
That passes fear into a man
Because the man fears
He fails and that he knows
But with tenderness he can
Endear you to his soul
And give you your sweet love
And in those eyes together
There is no heaven above

A strong women loves
And unfortunately it's true
Too strong a love, but right
Is not for both of you

But in a lighted corner
Two people miles away
Look into each other
And never their minds do stray

© Copyright 2004 Dave Page - All Rights Reserved
mytuesdaywishes
Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox
1 posted 2004-03-12 02:26 PM


excellent...the language is a bit skewed at the end from your usual articulate perfection, but still effective

joy has its own justice. and dreams are languid and lawless. and everything bows to beauty, when it's fierce and when it's flawless...

DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-03-12 02:37 PM


Yes you are right.

My problem was I originally wrote it as an answer to someone else's words and then cut the wrong words to publish it today, I will put my glasses on next time.

I then didn't edit these words in my desire to say I screwed up and have managed to achieve negatives on both.

dave


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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #31 » Deep Kiss - I've just cut the wrong words - I didn't write this bit

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