Guilty Rewind - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

0 posted 2004-03-21 03:27 AM

This ones a little different from most I've written. This is being posted in the teen area, but hopefully it will not offend anyone. Comments would be appreciated.

The TV screen displays my
fantastic fantasy.
This erotic liquor
tempts me
to drink;
I surrender,
I sip.

The guilty rewind
that follows—
my hangover.
The drink's sweet taste,
remains in my mouth,
and I will return
to the bar,
again.

(I was suggested to write about something I'd never normally write about. This was it.)

loner187
Member

since 2004-03-21

Posts 106
Upstate New York

1 posted 2004-03-21 09:03 PM

Ooh, nice one! This one really made me think about addiction, when you know something's wrong, but you can't help but do it anyway. Really nice job.

-A

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
-Franklin P. Jones

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-03-21 10:02 PM

kool. Different is good.

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2004-03-23 10:39 PM

its fun to experiment with subject.
I know I sometimes I get in ruts with what or how I write...
this was really good, it had a very low, personal feel.
enjoyed...

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

4 posted 2004-03-24 07:39 PM

Thanks for the comments guys. I appreciate it, since this one was pretty different for me.

Thanks

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

5 posted 2004-04-13 04:50 AM

wow..great poem i love it...keep writtin

UnsilencedWords666
Member

since 2003-11-19

Posts 63
Broken Memories & Falling Tears

6 posted 2004-04-13 06:09 PM

I liked it...very intense...keep up the kick butt writing...

*~*nessa bear*~*

You can’t choose who you are Only what you will be Why can't you choose To let me be me...*~*Nessa Bear*~*

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

7 posted 2004-04-22 11:37 PM

first off since i havent posted on any of your poems yet i'd like to comment that i like the name seeing as i'm a drummer myself.
anyway, i liked the poem alot. it kind of reminds me of most of my friends and how they drink themselves into oblivion every night even though they are so young.

nice use of muffin

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.