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Teen Poetry #7

I`m afraid...

Barbara
Junior Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 32

0 posted 2004-02-17 03:06 PM

HOW WILL IT BE?

Will we still be friends,
if I would tell you
that I love you?

How much does it takes,
To understand life, love, lost…

Can you understand my words?
There are so many things
in my thoughts,
that I would want you to know them.

But if I tell them to you,
would you understand them?
Do you listen me,
when I `m talking to you?

Do you fallow me?
Can you hear my whispers,
when you`re not around?

Would you like to hear
my complicated thoughts?
Would you really like to know me?
In many, many ways?

Would it be suffering?
Will we still be friends?
After that words,
after that time?

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-02-18 01:19 PM

too simple

Ixxi
Member

since 2004-01-02

Posts 77
England

2 posted 2004-02-18 05:19 PM

I don't find it interesting, it's not very original.
It sounds like a letter or a piece of writing that was from anyone, to anyone - you could have tried to make it like it was exclusive to the person you're writing it to or for.
You could work on the rhythm. A rhyming pattern might also go well in a poem with lots of questions in it.

This is just my opinion and I'm sure other people will disagree and say that they like the poem, but this is one of many that I don't particularly like. I would like to see more of your work though.

lone_rider
Junior Member

since 2004-01-20

Posts 19

3 posted 2004-03-02 02:14 AM

hey,,,I dont agree i think its a great poem! You just really need to relate to it to understand the emotion that goes into it
great write! I'd like to read more
xoxo

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