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kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

0 posted 2004-02-15 06:35 PM

I look into the mirror
and all I see is pain.
I used to be happy,
I used to be sane.
I have changed.

My eyes used to be bright,
and full of life.
Never this dark,
always filled with light.

Love has changed me,
It has altered my reflecton.
It doesnt matter who i used to be.
That person is no longer me.

This isnt very long, but i like it, and just dont see much else i can do with it. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
~kissa~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-02-15 06:43 PM

maybe you could describe what changed you and use a mirror for the metaphor of change. i thought this one was ok.
-alex

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-02-15 07:52 PM

thanks. I like it better than all of my other ones. I appreciate the comments.
~kissa~

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

3 posted 2004-02-15 08:10 PM

This poem was pretty good, the last stanza really stood out to me. Love does change you. Good work! ~Jess

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

4 posted 2004-02-16 12:10 PM

wow... i cant beleve how much i can realate to this. i totally see where youre coming from, like love is supposed to make you complete, happy etc etc but sumhow it turned things round, youve suddenly never been as alone as you are when you love someone and they dont love you back, never been so down, so drowsy so tired. it know exactly how you feel, been through it all, still am going through it i think.

this poem is amazing, it expresses so well such a delicate feeling.
i think you could extend it, if you wanted. it could make it more emotional and traumatic, i personally love poetry like that.

awesome job!

Keep rockin

darkness

You can always hear a tear in Cobain's voice, the pain going on there is always visible through his lyrics - Marilon Manson

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

5 posted 2004-02-16 10:37 AM

I think this was pretty good, but I also think it could be better, maybe by adding more details as to why and how you have changed. It's also nice how it is, thanks for the read.
Jen

Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved.

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