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kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

0 posted 2004-02-07 11:06 PM

This poem is about a guy i really like, and am scared of at the same time. I am scared he is going to hurt me, like he did. (my ex) Please, share any comment you have on this. I would really like to hear them. (good or bad)

You came to see me yesterday,
I didnt expect something like that of you.
I was so shocked,
I couldnt find the words to say.
Finally i said "I love you too"
but htat doesnt even begin to describe,
the feelings i have for you.
You are like the sun,'
and i the flower.
I need you exactly the same.
You are the one.
My one true love.
My one soul mate.
My one chance at happiness.
I need you,
so please dont leave me like he did!
~Kissa

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-02-08 03:59 PM

oh kissa.....hmmm....you need to run with the flower metaphor. the rest of this poem too straight forward. find some more imagery. (dont be afraid of this guy. fear is the only enemy. dont let it conquer you!)
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-02-08 10:19 PM

Thanks alex. I love your comments, you arent afraid to tell me the truth, and i really respect that. I know I shouldnt be afraid, but its hard not to be.
~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

cutie_13
New Member

since 2004-04-09

Posts 1

3 posted 2004-04-10 08:53 PM

I loved this poem it was so good.I have read your other poems and they are just as good.You are an ausome writer.Keep writing

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

4 posted 2004-04-12 12:15 PM

GR88 POEM..I ACTUALLY FELT what you were saying ..my advice to you [one day you true love will come and he will never leave you. he would be needing you ,so believe in yourself and if you felt he's hurting you from the start DONT IGNORE IT..because if you do you will be hurt...soo believe in life and yourself and follow your heart..

"GREATTTTTTTT POEM AND KEEP IT UP.."

Sass
Junior Member

since 2003-05-10

Posts 21

5 posted 2004-04-12 05:50 PM

I agree with what alex said, You need to go with the flower metaphore. Any metaphore. I think a lot of it was to blunt. Try to get your readers to know what you mean by using imagery. Thats what makes poetry so much fun to read. You have a lot of talent, and I'v read a lot of your stuff and I think they are really good. Just try to expand your mind and the thoughts and feelings you are trying to convey in an abstract way.
Awesome job though. It was awesome.
~kassi

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