Me... as a metaphor... - pipTalk Forums

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Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

0 posted 2004-01-22 07:12 PM

i am lonely... like the orange tree.

to wait for winter is to have no solstice.

The lonely spring will share my deep distain

The sharp clawing summer shall never know my pain...

I am sacred to myself... like the saphire.

their jealous beams of salt shall ebb my flow

Ill wait underground to be discovered....

to give up all control of where i go....

I am only one of many... like the grape...

to choose me over others is a sin...

Ill wait for the expiration date...

and shine unto myself... ill fly within.....

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

1 posted 2004-01-22 07:14 PM

Awesome, you know i like this one. EVERYBODY SAVE IT INTO THEIR LIBRARY! it rocks. i am a moose...let me loose...i am a moose...

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

2 posted 2004-01-22 07:19 PM

haha. moose. save it for the topic.

but yeah! what do y'all think??? im anxious ive never posted a poem on anything before, and ascending ecstasy is the only person i let read them....

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

3 posted 2004-01-22 07:30 PM

This is a really good write. WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you like it here as much as we are definately going to like reasing your poetry.

Check your e-mail for a special greeting.

Cause in my dreams it's always there
The evil face that twists my mind
And brings me to despair.

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

4 posted 2004-01-22 08:18 PM

time to come out of the poetic closet and into the passion...helen

Unseamedsoul
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 11
Rowesville , S.C.

5 posted 2004-01-22 09:18 PM

Great poem... I liked it.. Seemed to be a wiccan type poem.. Sorry.. Don't mean to bring religion up.. but i loved it... Please post more..

There's a crack inside this heart
Something that will never be healed ,
I can't give anything to anyone
Cause this whole will never be filled !!

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

6 posted 2004-01-22 10:22 PM

haha compare it to whatever you will....

cheers for the feedback by the way

ill write more when i get the inspiration i guess...

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

7 posted 2004-01-22 10:39 PM

Mmm yes. You have talent I'll say... Well done, it is a good poem. I have no advice for you, I won't be a nasty biatch as i usually am, cos u don't need it. the burgers are better at hungry jacks.....

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

8 posted 2004-01-22 11:40 PM

so kind lex...

but yeah. its actually one of my favourites now.. when i wrote it i didnt like it...

cheers for the comments all

Toasty
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin

9 posted 2004-01-23 10:33 AM

I love it! Definitely going into my library. Welcome to piptalk- I can't wait to read more of your stuff.

*toasty*

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales.

Ixxi
Member

since 2004-01-02

Posts 77
England

10 posted 2004-01-23 12:33 PM

Very nice! You used very effective adjectives, I loved the "lonely", "sharp" and "sacred" parts, i especially liked the word "jealous" in there too... really good.

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

11 posted 2004-01-25 07:04 PM

thanks so much. its so awesome that this forum exists... its good to build your confidence and inspire you to write more!

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