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Teen Poetry #7

i had something to say

Naked Truth
Junior Member

since 2003-12-28

Posts 11
Det, Mi.

0 posted 2004-01-13 05:19 PM

words written
no pen or pencil
words defined
no dictionary
words thought
no memory
words captured
no box
words expressed
no point
life to live
no breath
to breath
long curving lines
to flat line
once i had something to say but couldnt say it.. then when i was ready i was dead...

dont wait time doesnt wait and life isnt promised

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-01-13 05:44 PM

I liked the very end. I'm not too fond of the style. It just seems very abrupt and distracts from the good idea.If you oculd develop it more, it would be evern better. good effort.
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

rose
Member

since 2003-08-02

Posts 53

2 posted 2004-01-13 11:08 PM

yeah i agree. good message but the style is lacking. maybe try adding some punctuation?

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