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peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

0 posted 2003-12-13 09:15 PM

Stripped bare to her skin,
Standing in front of the mirror,
Her eyes reflect showing her broken soul,
The body she sees only make the tears bitter,
Lost within time,
She floats away with her thoughts,
Leading to a deserted island of loneliness,
She turns so she can no longer see herself,
Although the point is past,
The cries are steady as she tries to reach herself once again,
Unable to be who she was in the past,
She finally sees who she has become today.

I wasn't sure on a title... I thought maybe "Stripped Past" or "Reflecting Sorrow of Today" would work. They just don't see to fit this poem THAT well. Tell me what ya think!

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

1 posted 2003-12-13 10:24 PM

After reading and absorbing several times, the words 'Fractured Glass' kept creeping into mind, as the image seen both reflects and distorts the physical reality. Just a viewpoint. *smile*

Now that cat should scat, lest someone shoot this grizzled old coot.

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

2 posted 2003-12-13 11:03 PM

This poem was quite beautiful. It definitely leaves me speachless. However, I agree with Alicat...I believe "Fractured Glass" would be a very appropriate title for this poem. I remember you telling me that you wanted to write a poem having to do with this topic...I do believe that your idea worked quite well. This poem is beautiful. Nice write. Awesome. Loves.

*I figured out that trust was just my one mistake...*

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

3 posted 2003-12-14 01:57 PM

I found this to be a very touching piece, Jess. I greatly enjoyed reading it. I think that a good title for this poem would be "Stripping My Soul", but that's only a suggestion. I honestly love this poem, hun...I hope to see a lot more from you!

Love ya!

~J.Lynn

*¤§¤*You are born helpless...and you die helpless...*¤§¤*

infinite disaster
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 69
Illinois

4 posted 2003-12-15 11:30 AM

great write ... it's something like what i used to write ... keep up the good work !

much love, akie

I am proof that the heart is a risky fuel to burn.

duncan idaho
Member

since 2003-11-14

Posts 70
dune

5 posted 2003-12-15 02:40 PM

hmmmm a title....

peachesNpain!
or
staring at myself naked
or
glassered shatt

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

6 posted 2003-12-15 09:48 PM

Thanks for all the comments! I still haven't decided on what the title is going to be yet. Seems to be a hard decision! Haha! Once again, thanks for the comments! ~Jess

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

7 posted 2003-12-15 11:35 PM

Well I must say that I was deeply moved by this piece well done, beautiful imagery. As for a title moment of truth popped into my head from the last to lines but I've always had a hard time with titles.
~Live and Laugh~

Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less
~Bella~

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

8 posted 2003-12-18 09:30 PM

The first thing that popped in my head was bare, but thats prolly just beacause it says it on the first line.~lol I loved your poem.
~KISSA~

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