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Teen Poetry #7
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patience_iago
Member
since 2006-08-30
Posts 54


0 posted 2006-08-30 11:32 PM



With my arms sprawled out, I accept the thunder beneath my body and above the clouds. You are aside me and you are breathing. You see what I see, and I am confident that you feel what I am feeling. A soft melody repeats in my head and I smile as more thunder strikes. Wind graces our presence and opens our eyes to all that is gray. I see my mind split in two. I see the sky split in two. We are all that exists.

Tonight the world is ending, and it will end beautifully

"There are some days where i believe i might die of an overdose of satisfaction"
-Dali

© Copyright 2006 patience_iago - All Rights Reserved
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
1 posted 2006-08-31 12:44 PM


Hi patience_iago(cool name btw),

Awesome first post! I loved this poem, the comparison to the weather was very good. The ending also was mind boggling for me, not what I was expecting but wonderfully written.

BTW- WElcome to piptalk! I hope your enjoying the site as much as I know I have.

I can't wait to read more of your stuff and I hope you will post something soon. Thanks for sharing this with us

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
2 posted 2006-09-01 12:25 PM


WOW! that's all I can and that I agree with stargal.. great job.. this had such imagery..

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
3 posted 2006-09-01 08:57 PM


Welcome to Pip! I must say I really enjoyed this and hope to read more of your work soon.

~Alli~

mgoodman1989
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 93
Iowa, USA
4 posted 2006-09-03 12:53 PM


Hey, Welcome to pip, great first write.... if you post more, i'll dance for you LMAO



much love,
Michelle

*I love him oh yes I do, he's for me and not for you, and if by chance you take my place, I'll take my fist and smash your face!*

patience_iago
Member
since 2006-08-30
Posts 54

5 posted 2006-09-03 08:45 PM


Thank you, everyone.

"There are some days where i believe i might die of an overdose of satisfaction"
-Dali

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
6 posted 2006-11-08 10:24 PM


Wow.. this was amazing.. I loved this. I also liked how you compared it to the weather. The last line was my favorite..

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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