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Teen Poetry #7
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rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-08-19 07:36 AM


to teach yourself and to learn to forgive
lets the other have a chance to really live

to push it away and to try and forget
proves you are too scared, still yet

Why? I will ask.
remember the past

to hold a grudge
pointless, be done

way past time to stop living in the past
or  else the present will go by all too fast
time to accept the future
of that I am very sure

[This message has been edited by rhia_5779 (08-19-2006 12:04 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
cherrys_rule
Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442

1 posted 2006-08-19 08:11 AM


I'm not sure if you are done here, but other than that I thought it flowed really good. I hope to see more from you.
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
2 posted 2006-08-19 12:03 PM


yep it was done
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
3 posted 2006-08-21 09:34 PM


Hi Rhia,

Thought I'd ask you about a few things...

"to teach yourself and to learn to forgive
Lets the other have a chance to really live"


Is this supposed to be "let (no S) the other (S) have a chance to really live? Because when I read it the way that it is it's a little confusing.

"to push it away and to try and forget
proves you are too scared, still yet"


Could you explain what the "still yet" means? I'm not sure I understood that...

I liked the general idea of the poem, to let grudges go and not be selfish. I think it's a marvelous lesson for all of us to learn. I thank you for the reminder that is what I need to be doing^^

Plus, I think you should add on. I think you could make this longer without being horrible, just a thought though...

Thanks for sharing/listening  


"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
4 posted 2006-08-22 10:12 AM


still yet, kinda like you havent learned how to not b scared i think. and yes it is sopposed to have an s
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