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Teen Poetry #7

All about you

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

0 posted 2006-08-15 01:07 AM

i wonder if you love me like you say,
the stress and the anger has made you this way,
we scream and we fight everyday,
and words we'll regret come quick to play,

last night arguement was off track,
because i'm sick and tired of fighting back,
after we argue my life becomes black,
and i think of the things we emotionally lack,

although you've never beat me,
you leave me empty; can't you see?
if you love me, please set my soul free,
my shattered heart, in it's place is debris,

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

1 posted 2006-08-15 10:50 AM

Wow is all i can muster after this one. Great job! You really put alot of emotion in this piece. Like i could feel your pain or somethin'.
~Tempest~

silentmage13
Junior Member

since 2005-11-20

Posts 14
Florida

2 posted 2006-08-15 07:09 PM

It is easy to feel the pain you feel. I like the way your hurt is so easy to read. I became the person speaking as I read. Very good.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-08-17 01:11 PM

Hi Hunnie_girl,

Amazing poem! Like the others said the emotions you could feel while reading this were stellar.

The only thing I'm kind of so-so on is the ending. I kind of felt like you could take this further, embellish the story more. It ends sort of sudden, to my way of thinking, but I could be wrong...

All in all great poem! I loved the flow of the words in this. Thanks for sharing

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
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