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pawns of life
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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pawns of life |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
i look at the figurines on the shelf so tiny so full of beauty makes me think, i can't help but wonder,are we really puppets on a string sure seems just on random Fate tosses us around like toys picking up what we hate throwing in our face dropping us in nowhere empty of all grace and poise Life hardly cares what we wish,want or need content to confuse,mishandle and neglect Destiny fails to notice when our hearts begin to bleed uprooting lives,ripping us up so we can start over Sometimes the way the wind blows has me thinkin' we're just pawns of life in the future we are so small,yet we can create marvels our Fates control,who we are all our lives |
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| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi Rhia, Please stay with me while I spout my annoying ideas for a few minutes (run!), it shan't take to long... (I think) lol The first stanza has the lines “makes me think, I can’t help but wonder, are we really puppets on a string”, I love the idea of us being puppets on a string, it has always been a favorite metaphor for me. Yet I think that putting “makes me think, I can’t help but wonder”, both of those are kind of “thinking” words, so I’m not really sure I like “think and wonder” right next to each other like this, no offence. This could just be me… Also, if you read back you can see that some of the lines are a little confusing. Some of the lines just need another word or a word removed. Yet, others of the lines just need a comma or something. You might want to correct that, I know it's just a small thing but... Well, really it's up to you. Overall I loved the idea of this poem. I like the comparisons of us to toys, pawns. I thought it was a wonderful idea to compare people to pawns... This is actually one of my favorite poems by you because of the pawns thing, yes, I'm a stupid chess idiot, but okay... lol Thanks for sharing Rhia! It was awesome to be able to read one of your poems again  "I pray thee, O God, that I |
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