le conte fees de l'amour - pipTalk Forums

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kin3tix
Junior Member

since 2006-07-05

Posts 17
Somewhere wondering...

0 posted 2006-07-20 12:24 PM

This piece was written fairly quickly and I was quite sleep deprived at the time. This is part one of a two piece poem series and for those of you who don't understand french, the title means(roughly, my french is a bit off :-p)"The fairy tale of love."

le conte de fées de l'amour
----------------------------
I yearn to believe my heart doth bleed
for my trials tell me nought
infatuation has not consequence, until one's mutinied
the riches and veins are sought
and i remain unkissed
abandoning hope i remember, love does not exist

kin3tix
Junior Member

since 2006-07-05

Posts 17
Somewhere wondering...

1 posted 2006-07-20 06:25 AM

Hmm, I've just realized how odd the "flow" is, lol. Let me know what you guys think. This is pretty much based on my experiences and the "outsider's view" of love.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-07-20 12:44 PM

this poem is interesting, i read it twice to understand it better. This is defiantly a great write for a poem that isn't very long and when you were half asleep!!!

You're right, the flow is a bit..akward. You skipped a line once for a rhyme but didn't for the next line. I think that's ok though. Maybe add one line in where the rhyme is right together??? I don't know, I thought it was good=)
-missy

kin3tix
Junior Member

since 2006-07-05

Posts 17
Somewhere wondering...

3 posted 2006-07-20 04:03 PM

Thanks for the critique

I have an explanation for my akward rhyme scheme, I like trying new things and sometimes even inventing new methods. I forget where I learned this method but the rhyme scheme goes as follows:

a - bleed
b - nought
a - mutinied
b - sought
c - kissed
c - exist

The final two lines contain consecutive rhymes. Just something I thought I'd try out

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-07-21 12:15 PM

I agree, the flow is a bit “odd” but I liked it. It was neat to see a different kind of style, and I’m envious because it’s hard for me to create a poem with having trying a different style in mind. My poems usually just come out every which way, life is so unfair! Lol

I’d love to see what happens in the next “series” I hope that you will post online for us to see?

The words you used in this were nice too; you don’t see “doth” much anymore, it’s nice to see some of the “older” words in the English language reappear!

Thanks a bunch for sharing this, I enjoyed reading your poem

@-->---

kin3tix
Junior Member

since 2006-07-05

Posts 17
Somewhere wondering...

5 posted 2006-07-24 10:20 AM

Hey again stargal and thanks yet again for the reply

You're absolutely correct about the whole "old english" thing, I'm utterly obsessed with Shakesperian poetry

, a lot of my stuff is based on the feeling of that era of poetry.

-kin3tix

kin3tix
Junior Member

since 2006-07-05

Posts 17
Somewhere wondering...

6 posted 2006-07-24 12:22 PM

Oh and of course I'll post the second piece

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

7 posted 2006-07-24 11:31 PM

I like the way that you told so much in so little. The old english is cool, not my style, but interesting. Of course I may be a little partial because it is titled in the few french I can say/write off the top of my head.

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