My mistaken Fairytale - pipTalk Forums

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Sweetie01
Junior Member

since 2006-05-15

Posts 28
NJ, USA

0 posted 2006-07-12 11:34 PM

You were my fairytale
My never-ending lie
And one day I hoped
It'd all come true

The one thing I wished for
Was comming true over time
Then one night
You were caught like a dime

You & her were sneaking around
Carefully not making any sound
When we bumped into each other
While I was on my way home from my brother's

You thought I didn't suspect
But it was so obvious to me
That you cared about someone
And that someone wasn't me

The way you'd cancelplans
That you knew I had my heart set upon
And the way you cut me short
When I was ready for the long run

You would blame it on your parents
When I knew it was only you
And when I said I miss you
You would say same here too

I really wanna show this to you
But we both know that I wont
And if youkepp acting this way
You will get a list of donts

Dont touch me here
Dont look at me there
Dont even think of me
when you go to get fresh air

If you talk to me
Dont expect to be answered
Because I have more important things to do
Like become a professional dancer

Dont talk to my friends
Or say anything about them
Because if you do
Your reputation will turn sour

You were my fairytale
My never-ending lie
But I made the mistake
of hoping it's all come true...

~Amanda

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-07-12 11:58 PM

You were my fairytale
My never-ending lie

I loved these two lines the most out of the whole poem.. I liked the poem but it seemed to me like you put some lines in there just bc they rhymed..(ex. the proffesional dancer part.) It had a few spelling errors but they were probably just typos. I think with some work this could be a great piece..

keep it up..

~heatheR~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

2 posted 2006-07-13 12:17 PM

i agree with the proffesional dancer part, i thought that it was just in for like...stuffing or something. but over all, pretty good poem! keep writing

Viola

broken_smile1469
Member

since 2006-07-02

Posts 104

3 posted 2006-07-13 12:13 PM

You were my fairytale
My never-ending lie

those were my favorite lines out of the whole poem too! i think because i can realte to them more then to the rest of the poem.... but i loved this poem! Great Job!

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2006-07-13 08:59 PM

i liked it yeah i agree with the dancer thing too..... thanxx for sharing your poem...... hope to read more.
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-07-14 12:58 PM

"You thought I didn't suspect
But it was so obvious to me
That you cared about someone
And that someone wasn't me"

My favorite part in the whole poem would have to be this stanza^^. For some reason I'm into the sad ones tonight, I just thought though, that this was nicely written. It had nice rhythm to it also.

Although, I'm sorry to say, I felt like you had a few spots where the flow just stopped. No offence, there were just a few rough spots here and there. I'd suggest reading this poem allowed to yourself a couple of times and seeing what you find, cause I could be wrong...

Anyway, awesome write, I enjoyed reading it

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