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Teen Poetry #7
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sometimesitslonely
Junior Member
since 2005-12-27
Posts 41
USA

0 posted 2006-05-16 08:31 PM


I just wanted to let you know,
I cry when you're not there,
when I just hung up the phone,
you're voice makes me feel so fully empty.

I just wanted to let you know,
my heart breaks when you're not here,
and I feel so completely alone,
must be love.

I just wanted to let you know,
my heart is slowly breaking,
everywhere you go,
that isn't next to me.

This smile is fake,
These tears aren't.

© Copyright 2006 sometimesitslonely - All Rights Reserved
cherrys_rule
Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442

1 posted 2006-05-16 09:21 PM


... Huh? ummm... i got a little confused on this poem. I'm soory, but it might just be me.
bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

2 posted 2006-05-16 09:40 PM


no i agree with you im confused.  explain please?
scyzoryk_o4
Junior Member
since 2006-05-23
Posts 36
Canada and Poland
3 posted 2006-05-25 12:16 PM


Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong but it makes sense to me. It wasn't until I was apart from my girlfriend for 2 months before I realized that I love her. Every time I ended a conversation with her over the phone I wanted to strangle myself with the cord because I missed her so much and still do. Any way I like this poem and think that any one who can relate would appreciate it greatly.

Maksym



SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2006-05-25 12:21 PM


it's that ache of missing someone...I get this completely...
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
5 posted 2006-05-29 12:47 PM


Hey sometimesitslonley,

Sorry I’m so late in posting a reply on this one, but better late than never, no?

Umm, what to say, what to say… lets start with the first stanza I guess.
I enjoyed the first one very much, I also understand that feeling, but I also think that you might be able to express yourself in a more understandable way in this. Like where you said ”when I just hung up the phone, you’re voice makes me feel so fully empty.”
It’s a little confusing for people to read that, the meaning for me isn’t that clear, I had to re-read this two or three times before I caught on. I might change it to something like “ when I hang up the phone, your voice makes me feel so empty” or something like that…

I did like the way you started off each stanza with that one line, it kind of tied the whole thing together, made your poem seem more polished and complete, very nice job on that!

Although, I must admit that my favorite stanza would have to be the ending one, I get that feeling all the time, I think almost everyone could relate…

Thanks for sharing this poem I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good writes

@-->---

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
6 posted 2006-05-29 10:06 PM


I agree. the last stanza is my favorite but the whole poem to me.. was fantastic.. it made sense to me.. I could see the emotion you put into it and I can very well relate.. keep up the good work..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Ace of Crimson Tears
Junior Member
since 2006-03-03
Posts 14
United States
7 posted 2006-06-02 11:49 AM


the poem is great it actually makes people think about how other people react to different emotions. its a great piece keep up the good work.
ShelbyLynn13
Member
since 2006-02-15
Posts 73
US, Colorodo
8 posted 2006-06-02 03:13 PM


ya it confused me 2!!

every one is special in their own  way!!!

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