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Teen Poetry #7
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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Questions |
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Junebug Junior Member
since 2006-04-23
Posts 40earth |
Ok uh this just popped into my head like not even 5 mins ok so like tell me what you think honestly please!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If i dont say anything, Will you wonder whats on my mind? Will you stop and wait for me, When i'm three steps behind? Do you wonder where i am, When i dont answer your call? And at night before you sleep, Do you think of me at all? What words come to mind, When you think of me? Could you be with me FOREVER, And still live life happily? Would you tell me i was beautiful, Even with my hair a mess? If i didnt have my make up on, Would you love me any less? And when you see my face, Does it brighten your day? If i said you where my everything, Would you get scared and run away? Will you answer every question, When you read this in my book? Or pretend you never saw it, And just give an innocent look??? |
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| © Copyright 2006 Junebug - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poise_and_rationality Junior Member
since 2006-05-06
Posts 46my mind |
really good probally one of your bests  keep up the good workpar Give me attention |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I loved this though I feel like the end could've had a little better of a flow or rhytmn to it. otherwise.. this was great and I agree with -par- one of your best..  Great emotion.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
woah i luv this!!!! that was sooooo good awesome job keep up the great work ~nora <3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD! |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
lets just say it was to good 4 words i loved it!!! keep up the GREAT work ~nora <3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD! |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
lol sry i forgot i alrdy commented on this im wiked dumb like that sry but i guess i liked this to much :p ~nora <3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD! |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Junebug, I can’t believe you wrote this in 5min, it’d take me forever to get even past the first few lines! This is such an awesome poem, I know I say that a lot, but there’s not much else I can say other than that, this was that good. You have like one or two words that don’t belong, their spelled correctly, just the wrong spelling for that word… Does that make sense? I actually disagree with Heather on the ending. I thought the ending was perfect, kind of different, but interesting. As for the flow? Well, there are one or two spots that I felt went off track, but overall the whole thing was very good… I’d just like to say that I enjoyed these lines a whole lot, ”if I don’t say anything, will you wonder what’s on my mind? Will you stop and wait for me, When I’m three steps behind?” This part just seems so sweet to me, almost like a plea… but anyway, great job on this poem, I just wish it was longer  @-->--- |
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Sweetpali08 Junior Member
since 2006-05-07
Posts 40 |
OMG THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. Am speechless. I loved it...... "How are they the VICTIMS if they are the OCCUPIERS?!" |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
This is so good. i love it. It reminds me and my boyfriend right on the spot. So good! Keep up the good work. ~Courtney~ |
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