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Living without love
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Living without love |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA 
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I close my eyes, hoping to see the happy moments, But tears run down my cheek as I search my mind in vain, I’ve lost all of you, no image left, This heart of mine will continue to burn, My life has seized to be, my soul leaving me behind, What I had wished for, and what I have attained, Society mocks me double fold, first I lost you, Now I lost myself, How many nights you went to bed sad, the cause was me, Forgive me not for I cannot be forgiven, I took an angel and tore its wings apart, God’s gift I have ruined, he has no empathy for me, Wailing internally, forever persisting, This sickness has no cure, The waking hours are flooded with tears, And at night, my dreams leave my side, My desire to undo this pain can’t match My nature to break your heart in the first place, Life of solitude, behind many masks, Poems of mine will record lessons learned, Without asking the questions, I know my crime, Etched in the minds of society the greatest sin, A broken heart is what I live to mend, Spending the rest of my years waiting for death, In a flash of anger, I stole a smile of gold, What weighs my mind is the capacity of my greed, Each smile that I’ve stolen is worth each year of my life, If I could disown myself, that would be in my favor, When I close my eyes tonight, I relive the same pain, The horror of my actions, praying for redemption, Choosing not to listen, we pay for a lifetime, Away from each other in this lifetime and the next… I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey, Umm, I must say that I've read a couple of your poems before this one, and out of them all, this one hits the top  This is a very good poem, sad, but good... I think that my favorite stanza in this would have to be, "How many nights you went to bed sad, the cause was me, Forgive me not for I cannot be forgiven, I took an angel and tore its wings apart, God’s gift I have ruined, he has no empathy for me," I like it for the third line mostly, i think it's the third? The one that says, "forgive me not for i cannot be forgiven", something about that is so sad and sweet... I really enjoyed this, it was an amazing read/write @-->--- |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I agree with stargal.. this is my favorite poem by you out of all the poems I've read by you.. Actually, I don't have time now, but when I get back on I think I want to break down how I feel about the whole poem but for now I have to go.. but I'll be back.. promise. because I've never really comented a lot on your work.. and this one deserves it.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Hey.. i said I'd be back and here I am.. i just wanted to let you know what I got out of your poem.. "I close my eyes, hoping to see the happy moments, But tears run down my cheek as I search my mind in vain, I?ve lost all of you, no image left, This heart of mine will continue to burn," This stanza is wonderful.. it started off with "I close my eyes," and I believe that just kinda started the image of the poem for me. so good job. "My life has seized to be, my soul leaving me behind, What I had wished for, and what I have attained, Society mocks me double fold, first I lost you, Now I lost myself," Ok.. this is even better than the first stanza. my favorite lines in this are the last two.. where it says "first I lost you, now I lost myself" I find that so amazing.. "How many nights you went to bed sad, the cause was me, Forgive me not for I cannot be forgiven, I took an angel and tore its wings apart, God?s gift I have ruined, he has no empathy for me," "forgive me not for I cannot be forgiven" Where exactly do you get your inspiration from.. Love it.. "I took an angel and tore its wings apart" great job.. I thought I might find something constructive to say about this poem but so far.. I can't find anything. You are a great writer.. "Wailing internally, forever persisting, This sickness has no cure, The waking hours are flooded with tears, And at night, my dreams leave my side," Wonderful again.. the first line with the continuing words.. was wonderful... this didn't rhyme really but I think that it is great how it is.. "this sickness has not cure" this explains it all.. so many people find this as a point of giving up.. "My desire to undo this pain can?t match My nature to break your heart in the first place, Life of solitude, behind many masks, Poems of mine will record lessons learned," the first two lines in this were wonderful.. but the last two were so much better they made it so worth the read. the last line "poems of mine will record lesons learned"... you sound like me.. I mostly only write on what I feel and If it weren't for heartbreak.. i wouldnt' have much. "Without asking the questions, I know my crime, Etched in the minds of society the greatest sin, A broken heart is what I live to mend, Spending the rest of my years waiting for death," I like this stanza but not as much as the others I have commented on.. "spending the rest of my years waiting for death" again.. this shows me that you've given up.. I think that everything is worth a try and if you mess up you have to live on sometime.. make a life of what you have and not what you had your life.. "In a flash of anger, I stole a smile of gold, What weighs my mind is the capacity of my greed, Each smile that I?ve stolen is worth each year of my life, If I could disown myself, that would be in my favor," I love the last line in this.. "if I could disown myself, that would be in my favor" again.. putting yourself down and giving up.. so far this poem is soo very sad but it is a wonderful piece don't get me wrong. so much depression.. so much of a hopes lost poem.. it's beautifully done. "When I close my eyes tonight, I relive the same pain, The horror of my actions, praying for redemption, Choosing not to listen, we pay for a lifetime, Away from each other in this lifetime and the next?" The end was great.. I love the line.. "choosing not to listen, we pay for a lifetime" giving up and not listening to anyone or anything or God is not the way to go.. learning from our mistakes is a big part of human life.. this was an awesome poem.. I loved it.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. Want nothing & you will have everything. |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Heather and Stargal said everything I wanted to for me. Thanks you guys. I'm left speachless. TaTa Jessica |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
Thank you my fellow poets for your comments. Sometimes my inspiration to post and write comes from my audience, such as yourselves. I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality. |
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intention Member
since 2005-11-13
Posts 59New Delhi, INDIA |
amazing post... very good poem Love me for who i m |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
very nice... keep up the great work ~nora <3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong </3 llx - P!ATD! |
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Sweetpali08 Junior Member
since 2006-05-07
Posts 40 |
I been reading your poetry for the about 2 yrs from this site and somehow i felt comfort in each and one of them. I never did reply but truly ur an amazing poet. Thanks for ur awesome poems.........
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