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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-04-29 12:34 PM

I'm right here in front of you
And you still have no clue
That I've been here from the start
Trying so hard to have a place in your heart
But I am lost in a tempest of tears
That is hiddin by a wall of tears
I'm hiding in plain site of you
And still you turn away
Never knowing that I am here
Waiting for that day

One day you will relize I am here
Catching all your tears
I am here to help you through your hardest,darkest,fears
I am here to tell you its alright
And that I am here hiding in plain site
I'm hiding in plain site of you
And still you look away
Never knowing I am here
Hiding in plain site

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-04-29 10:27 AM

"Hiding in plain site"

I loved it.. this is like an oxymoron.. It was very well pieced together.. some of your poem.. I believe could use some polishing.. not the words really but maybe the flow..

Either way.. this was great.. I loved the emotion in this.. I can relate and believe me one day... it will all turn around... and probably by then.. you won't even care anymore.. that's what happened with me.. I knew that that person would finally see one day.. but when they did.. it didn't matter anymore.. Just hang in there.. it's hard..

I hope to hear more from you.. I believe you put a lot of emotion in your poems.. and it kind of reminds me some of me.. I don't see why no has posted to this yet..

keep up the good work..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-05-01 11:18 AM

Hey,

Yeah, like Heather said, i felt like some of this could use polish, where as she just thought that some of the flow needed polish, i think that some of the words do.
Well, nothing really major or anything, just i felt like you repeated yourself in the first stanza more than you should have, but that's just my idea, and what do i know...

Anyway, great poem, i know i enjoyed this a lot, i also really liked the title...

@-->---

pullingxthextrigger
Member

since 2006-05-01

Posts 133
MA,..USA llx

3 posted 2006-05-01 06:14 PM

this is powerful..i loved it!!!!! great job!! <3 keep it up

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