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the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

0 posted 2006-03-20 08:45 PM

She sits there and smiles,
with the best of intentions.
But what she feels inside,
no one will ever mention.

At home she thinks too much,
in the moment, not enough.
for it's too hard to understand,
that her life is all too rough.

Every time she thinks she's made
an easy path to follow...
she finds the smile that she is sharing,
is nothing more than hollow.

Though she can see right through him,
right to the very touch...
she knows what she wants
and to her it isn't much.

She hears all things
and knows it's a waste of time.
She'll never get her way,
for there's nothing more than lines.

She sits there and wonders...
words are never mentioned.
She see's right through him, but still she smiles...
with the best of intentions.

This is not new I wrote it last August. I had written it down in a journal and I just found it.. It's not my favorite piece so any feedback is welcome.

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

1 posted 2006-03-22 11:41 AM

I like it.
although it was a bit confusing. then again, i'm a confusing person so it's probably just me!
good job

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-03-22 06:28 PM

Ummm... I thought it was rather confusing too. I'm just going to say i have read some of the stuff you have written and this isn't my favorite, favorite, one. It's an interesting idea though. I really like the title of it.

@-->---

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2006-03-22 07:18 PM

While I have to agree with the others in that this isn't my favorite poem by you, I really enjoyed it. Infact, I really enjoy reading all your poems and think your a great writer.

~Alli~

ShelbyLynn13
Member

since 2006-02-15

Posts 73
US, Colorodo

4 posted 2006-03-23 10:49 AM

well i have to agree that it waas a little confusing but i think if you sit down re read it and notice that it is a little confusing it will rock.

every one is special in their own way!!!

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

5 posted 2006-03-23 10:16 PM

thanks ya'll.. I appreciate all your replys.. I know.. this is not my favorite either.. I didn't even type it to put it in my own poem collection.. thanks anyways..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

6 posted 2006-04-10 09:22 PM

Heather!
Firstly, Thanks so much for commenting me in Prose! You're such a sweetie!<3
So, second...I have to say, I'm not 100% sure about how I feel about this yet...I think I need it so sink in a little. But I already have a favorite line(?)

she finds the smile that she is sharing,
is nothing more than hollow.

Though she can see right through him,
right to the very touch...
she knows what she wants
and to her it isn't much.

I think that is so something I would write/say/probably have already thought. (Haaha...Ignore my rambling please, I spent all of today either taking tests or working out, so I'm totally fried.)

Anywho... I do have a suggestion/request...I want to see how you do free verse. After you commented me, I looked up all of your poems, and I think you have some SERIOUS talent. In fact(not to sound egotistical, 'cause I know this is going to sound it after saying that about you) but your writing reminds me a ton of mine, and I know that once I dabbled in free verse(even though most of it was CRAP) I was able to change my meter and my poetry dramatically. It really helped me to grow as a writer.

ANYWAYS...it was just a suggestion, a request even. In any case, if you do, let me know(EMAIL ME!) so I don't miss it.

Thanks so much for sharing, and thanks for your awesome compliments/comments. You're such a sweetheart.<3
...keryn

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

7 posted 2006-05-06 01:29 PM

It is a little confusing because I can't understand what this girl is feeling. I interperate it as she is shy and doesn't approach this guy because of it. That same situation happens to me all the time, it is hard to just suck it up and go do what ou want isn't it? Good structure though, it was a very good ending.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

8 posted 2006-05-06 03:08 PM

byski.. you basically understand it.. it's like.. she and this guy are friends and they flirt but she really wants to be with him but she knows that he doesnt' want to be with her.. and really she feels that he likes her to a sense because of how he flirts.. "right to the very touch" that's where that line came in.. but she just smiles.. with the best of intentions even though she wishes more..

hope i helped..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

poise_and_rationality
Junior Member

since 2006-05-06

Posts 46
my mind

9 posted 2006-05-07 11:29 AM

well done on your posts not one of your bests but its close lol

par
x

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

10 posted 2006-05-07 08:18 PM

nice write... i liked it.
"She sits there and wonders...
words are never mentioned.
She see's right through him, but still she smiles...
with the best of intentions."
liked that ending

Sorry i don't reply much in this forum... i'm usually stuck over in DP... i have a new piece posted tho if you're interested in checkin it out

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-" Slave of Love" by: Me. (posted in Dark Poetry)

Junebug
Junior Member

since 2006-04-23

Posts 40
earth

11 posted 2006-05-07 10:36 PM

ok i didnt find it confusing at all.....i totally got all of it! and i know how it is and understand it completely!!! and i love it!

Sweetpali08
Junior Member

since 2006-05-07

Posts 40

12 posted 2006-05-07 10:46 PM

Beautiful.......
Nothing should be changed.Understood.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

13 posted 2006-05-08 05:48 PM

thank you all so much.. I have two of my newest poems on here (don't tell my mother, and running backwards) if you're interested.. their two of my favorite.. but thank you all for your comments I feel loved

~heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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