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the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

0 posted 2006-02-28 09:50 PM

*Kinda long but I think it's worth the read. Please give me any constructive critisism. Thanks.*

Wind stinging through my tears,
life right there in my face.
Wondering if I'm supposed to be here,
is this the designated place?
Ground below me...
rocky and unsteady.
Memories crowding my mind,
whether or not I'm ready.

Laughs, screams, murderous themes,
all pounding in the background,
and Ikeep worrying about what's next,
as I take a long hard look around.
Eyes closed, pictures in my head,
where I want to be...
eyes open, look around.,
not a lot to see.

Walking a little fast,
but not too rapidly to catch.
If I walk a little slower,
I might just get attatched.
Of all the things I want,
I don't have much at all,
but just one talk or conversation,
I'm not asking for it all.

My feet begin to hurt,
as the rocks press into my skin,
I feel more that this pain,
but it's reallyjust within.
Arms open wide
as a crow flys over head.
Once day I'll look back
and know I've just been mislead.

But until the day
that everything is clear,
I'll do something with my time,
no use in sitting here.
I look down
at the ground below,
I don't want to hear a laugh,
or a "I told you so"

I'll just do what I have to do,
as over the edge I go listenin' to you callin'
If I hit the ground, oh well,
too late... I've already fallen.

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

[This message has been edited by the_girl_next_door (03-01-2006 05:24 PM).]

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-02-28 11:44 PM

I think you should of put a space inbetween your poem and your comment.

           Jessica
              :)
    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

2 posted 2006-02-28 11:44 PM

Oh forgot to add. I like it its very nice. kinda sad but nice

           Jessica
              :)
    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

3 posted 2006-03-01 05:23 PM

Yea I know I thougt that I did.. I'll see if I can fix it.

thanks.

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

4 posted 2006-03-01 09:32 PM

I like this, sad but don't matter! keep em coming

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
fear and tears....STOP rounda bout here!

curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

5 posted 2006-04-02 06:13 AM

well i loved the whole thing, from the structure to the meaning.it shows a lot of truth for you maby?
curiouse

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

6 posted 2006-04-02 11:46 PM

thanks for the comments.. i went back and read it and noticed some spelling errors but i can't change them now after 24 hours.. i expected a little more feedback on this but i guess it's bc i know what i was writing about and none of you do.. but that's ok.. thank you all..
ttyl
~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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