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Teen Poetry #7
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Shyness
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Shyness |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
Delicately, it weaves it way through muttered conversations Slashing words until they become incoherent abbreviations Leaving its shadow, a strapping silence with strong intensity Tightly grasping its prisoners whilst they try to struggle free Bounding together words and phrases so they make no sense Leaving large blank spaces that cause pain and strong suspense Tormenting those who long to have the freedom that they want Twisting you around so you back away rather that face upfront Making you shrink into nothing and stealing your self worth Forcing you to feel that you’re alone on the face of the earth Laughing at you mockingly, to cause you maximum distress Completely isolating, making you like yourself less and less Suppressing you and frightening you so you run away and hide Making you reflect back on every single day that you had cried Eating away at your confidence so you have nowhere else to turn There’s no one to confide in. The pain just starts to swell and burn I spend each day trying to overcome and fight against this enemy I know one day I will succeed. I will finally claim the victory xxFuschiaxx |
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| © Copyright 2006 Fuschia - All Rights Reserved | |||
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The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
Nice write. I'm not good at critiquing,but what I can say is that I could relate to this theme and find it (poem) promising. ^_^ ~J. |
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littlemiss Junior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 16 |
I thought this was really good, it was clear and to the point you got across your feelings excellenty, i could really relate to it, and i really liked thw flow and rythm of it  kim |
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electricxheart Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184far away from home. |
i loved this. i can relate so much being a shy person myself and wanting to always break out of my shell and to be more outgoing. the flow was really nice too. awesome job. --kelly |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
very good write, all though in face of the earth , the "the" in that part really through me off. personnaly i think it mite flow better without the "the". just face of earth. but then again thats just me. i really did like that part, just with out the "the". and in one part in "tears you had cried" the had is kinda switching which tense you are in. before its more present tense kinda, then theres had. for me that through me off. have works there though. but all in all i though it was an astounding piece of work. you definetly have talent. hope to see more! rhia |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Great job... I loved this.. it was very deep.. and made me think about some things.. some parts I can relate..  good job.. welcome to pip.. ~Heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
Thank you for your comments. I will take your advice rhia_5779 and slightly change those two lines. Thanks again. xxFuschiaxx |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Fuschia, I really liked this poem, yet i'm kind of unsure about the contents. You know how it's talking about battling shyness? Well, without the title i would never have known what it was. I'm not an expert on this or anything, but I think that I would incorporate some of the "theme" into the poem, but that's just my opinion... I liked this poem though because I can relate. I have trouble with my shyness holding me back on things and I'm trying to overcome that. I think that the poem describes those feelings just right! And once again I think you did a brilliant job on this, I can't wait to see more from you in the future  @-->--- |
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