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SixtiesChick03
Junior Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 49
NV

0 posted 2006-02-18 06:16 PM

This is no shock to me,
I wrote this long before.
So prepared for you not to care
about me anymore.
I’m obviously hurting,
and very much upset.
But I love you,
after all we’ve been through,
my favorite regret.

The first of al I dreamed of,
you reflect what my eyes gleamed of.
Oh, how many times have you let me down?
My darling, too many times to count.
I don’t want revenge,
nor recompense.
The reason I cannot forgive you
is for my own self defense.
You can stab my dreams if you like.
From now on, from the outside.
I’m letting you go, but I’ll never forget
that you were and are always my favorite regret.

You know that I could never have left you,
and that I’ve anticipated long this day,
that you’d be the one who’d turn, and would run.
The one who would send me away.
So, now that you’ve done this,
you know how I feel;
that I love you, you’ve hurt me,
but I can finally start to heal.
My heartache will leave me,
it’s more than a bet,
but you are, as ever,
my favorite regret.

XxnoraxX
Member

since 2006-01-24

Posts 122
<3 MA,,,USA <3

1 posted 2006-02-18 09:49 PM

This was awesome! I loved every line and it flowed perfectly-keep up the great work

XoXo,
XxnoraxX

No ones perfect;just perfect for each other-<3

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

2 posted 2006-02-19 01:22 PM

Wow. your lines flow perfectiy I can totally hear the rythem in that.

Where your heart lays is where you belong.

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

3 posted 2006-02-19 01:46 PM

The first stanza is amazing. I don't think anyone can start reading it and stop without finishing because of it.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2006-02-20 06:50 AM

I love this title, and the repeating thought, "My Favorite Regret." It's incredibly powerful, my friend. It really is.

With this poem, I would just suggest tightening the flow of it. Some of the lines stumble the flow of the overall poem. Plus, I'm curious, you have three stanzas... why not make four or five equal, stanzas, control the size, pace and flow of the poem a bit more?

With a little work, this poem could be unbelievably powerful.

On a personal note, I feel for you, after reading this poem. I really do. Who cannot relate or understand this poem?

Great job.

~Daniel/Titus

helenadepp
Member

since 2006-01-16

Posts 59
durham, england

5 posted 2006-02-20 03:58 PM

This is amazing! I really enjoyed it..it really did flow throughout. Looking forward to reading more.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

6 posted 2006-02-21 08:02 PM

this made me smile. it flowed and expressed many fellings, without...over doing it. i have my own favorite regret....and this poem...captures it all.

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

7 posted 2006-02-27 06:31 PM

Wow this poem was great. I think that it couldv'e had a little better flow but other than that I loved it.

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

8 posted 2006-02-28 05:38 AM

Heather,

Hey, I was just curious, what parts do you think could flow a little better? What suggestions do you have for sixtieschick?

~Daniel?Titus

Fighting the good fight, deployed to Iraq.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

9 posted 2006-02-28 05:06 PM

You can stab my dreams if you like.
From now on, from the outside.
I?m letting you go, but I?ll never forget
that you were and are always my favorite regret.

You know that I could never have left you,
and that I?ve anticipated long this day,
that you?d be the one who?d turn, and would run.
The one who would send me away.
Danial... these are the parts that I found a little off flow. Not too bad but the first part it's just the second and fourth line were a little uneven.. I'm not sure if the poet meant to put "my favorite regret" on a new line like they did in the first stanza or not.. On the second part I nick-picked about is just that it feels like the third line would be easier to read and connect with the fourth if it didn't have so many syllables.
like taking off the words "and would run"

ex.

You know that I would never have left you,
and that I've anticipated long this day,
that you'd be the one who'd turn...
the one who would send me away.

Just my thoughts. Hope I helped you on what you were curious about.

Sincerely,
~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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