Teen Poetry #7 |
My Favorite Regret |
SixtiesChick03 Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 49NV |
This is no shock to me, I wrote this long before. So prepared for you not to care about me anymore. I’m obviously hurting, and very much upset. But I love you, after all we’ve been through, my favorite regret. The first of al I dreamed of, you reflect what my eyes gleamed of. Oh, how many times have you let me down? My darling, too many times to count. I don’t want revenge, nor recompense. The reason I cannot forgive you is for my own self defense. You can stab my dreams if you like. From now on, from the outside. I’m letting you go, but I’ll never forget that you were and are always my favorite regret. You know that I could never have left you, and that I’ve anticipated long this day, that you’d be the one who’d turn, and would run. The one who would send me away. So, now that you’ve done this, you know how I feel; that I love you, you’ve hurt me, but I can finally start to heal. My heartache will leave me, it’s more than a bet, but you are, as ever, my favorite regret. |
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© Copyright 2006 Sharlene - All Rights Reserved | |||
XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
This was awesome! I loved every line and it flowed perfectly-keep up the great work XoXo, |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Wow. your lines flow perfectiy I can totally hear the rythem in that. Where your heart lays is where you belong. |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
The first stanza is amazing. I don't think anyone can start reading it and stop without finishing because of it. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I love this title, and the repeating thought, "My Favorite Regret." It's incredibly powerful, my friend. It really is. With this poem, I would just suggest tightening the flow of it. Some of the lines stumble the flow of the overall poem. Plus, I'm curious, you have three stanzas... why not make four or five equal, stanzas, control the size, pace and flow of the poem a bit more? With a little work, this poem could be unbelievably powerful. On a personal note, I feel for you, after reading this poem. I really do. Who cannot relate or understand this poem? Great job. ~Daniel/Titus |
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helenadepp Member
since 2006-01-16
Posts 59durham, england |
This is amazing! I really enjoyed it..it really did flow throughout. Looking forward to reading more. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
this made me smile. it flowed and expressed many fellings, without...over doing it. i have my own favorite regret....and this poem...captures it all. I ask why, but in my mind, |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Wow this poem was great. I think that it couldv'e had a little better flow but other than that I loved it. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Heather, Hey, I was just curious, what parts do you think could flow a little better? What suggestions do you have for sixtieschick? ~Daniel?Titus Fighting the good fight, deployed to Iraq. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
You can stab my dreams if you like. From now on, from the outside. I?m letting you go, but I?ll never forget that you were and are always my favorite regret. You know that I could never have left you, and that I?ve anticipated long this day, that you?d be the one who?d turn, and would run. The one who would send me away. Danial... these are the parts that I found a little off flow. Not too bad but the first part it's just the second and fourth line were a little uneven.. I'm not sure if the poet meant to put "my favorite regret" on a new line like they did in the first stanza or not.. On the second part I nick-picked about is just that it feels like the third line would be easier to read and connect with the fourth if it didn't have so many syllables. like taking off the words "and would run" ex. You know that I would never have left you, and that I've anticipated long this day, that you'd be the one who'd turn... the one who would send me away. Just my thoughts. Hope I helped you on what you were curious about. Sincerely, ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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