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Teen Poetry #7
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Lets Commit A Crime
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Lets Commit A Crime |
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XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
Lets commit a crime I steal your heart and you steal mine Lets commit a crime We hang out together All the time Lets commit a crime earn money to go on a long trip and leave all these people behind Dont commit a crime without me You'll leave me brokenhearted but i know thats the way it has to be XoXo, |
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| © Copyright 2006 Nora A. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Free_Spirit07 Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 222The middle of my mind! |
I like this - the flow is GREAT! x0x0 Free_Spirit07 fear and tears....STOP rounda bout here! |
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Stepharoo Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149Washington, USA |
Hmm, interesting... I'm not quite sure I get the ending of this one. But I did understand the begining. I like this though, don't get me wrong. Keep them coming, Stephanie |
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XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
Thanks for replying, free- luv the feedback  |
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XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
Thanks for replying steph- luv the feedback XoXo, XxnoraxX No ones perfect;just perfect for each other-<3 |
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PoetryIsLife 
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Cute piece. Very light hearted. I enjoyed it for the most part. I love the title, too."Lets commit a crime I steal your heart and you steal mine" This is my favorite stanza! "Lets commit a crime We hang out together All the time" I would add "of" to the last line of this stanza. "Lets commit a crime earn money to go on a long trip and leave all these people behind" This stanza is a bit scetchy. I might do: "earn money for a long trip, leave everyone behind" Here, I might put a one line break, something to show the poem is changing ideas. Like, "But wait." For the last stanza, I would cut the last line. "Don't commit a crime without me You'll leave me brokenhearted."  Great piece.~Daniel/Titus |
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ShelbyLynn13 Member
since 2006-02-15
Posts 73US, Colorodo |
this is a realy cute poem you have great potential. You should try and write more poems a day because people who are reading want to see more of your work a day instead of having to wait on the next poems the next day. But thats just a person who loves your poems. every one is special in their own way!!! |
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XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
Daniel- thanks for the advice and it could work better that way. Thanks for replying too. Shelby- aww thanks your to nice-lol- thanks for the awesome reply too XoXo, |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
I really like the first stanza Lets commit a crime I steal your heart And you steal mine yeah thats really good. it flows very well. nice work. Where your heart lays is where you belong. |
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XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
Thanks Jessica-luv hearing from u XoXo, |
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intention Member
since 2005-11-13
Posts 59New Delhi, INDIA |
ohh this is such a lovely poem ... moving.. u write amazing... i enjoy ur poems Love me for who i m |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
thx 4 replying this is like one of my oldest poems lol kthx bye ~nora<3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong </3 llx - P!ATD! |
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nubee Junior Member
since 2006-05-15
Posts 10 |
Hey, another awsome poem. (i've been reading your poems, they're all great). i enjoyed this poem and can relate. The jealousy in me, i wish it would go away... "don't commit a crime without me"... -thnx ryan |
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:.flower.: New Member
since 2006-05-25
Posts 5 |
loved it^-^ keep on writing great poems |
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