»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
school night
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
school night |
|
|
skoolyardturtle Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 96 |
one single moment it almost seemed like an eternity the sky had began to glow on my walk towards another day i tried to capture the joy in my heart between my fingers the colors were beautiful almost hypnotizing i could see the air as i exhaled my hands shook with anticipation for every passing moment the night lights remained on until the sun revealed itself every single step every heavy sigh every minute of everyday passed before my eyes i remember the sky i remember breathing in the night air the shadows towered above us all the one single moment when i tried so hard to be happy had slipped by me once again i remember her her hair blew in the winter breeze as my heart sailed off into oblivion at the sight of those eyes those eyes her eyes held the an ocean of beauty we would gaze upon each other in what seemed like forever and fall in and out of love in a never ending instant but you were always gone whenever i thought i needed you even if it seemed like i'd been with you forever i remembered the sky the night lights casted shadows above us all in a single moment when i tried so hard to be happy you were gone |
||
| © Copyright 2005 skoolyardturtle - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
I like it. The lack of punctuation makes it difficult to read. I liked the description, but wasn't fond of the line, "the sky had began to glow." Good job, and keep writing. |
||
|
skoolyardturtle Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 96 |
i corrected a lot of the lines soon after i posted it, i just haven't had a chance to correct it. The lines are longer and i separated them when the subject sort of changes. I'll see what else i can do, also. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
