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Teen Poetry #7
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lonliness
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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lonliness |
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the kid Junior Member
since 2005-06-24
Posts 16 |
Lonliness hurts, its a burning desire it feels as if your hearts constantly on fire it makes you feel empty inside like something is missing like somethings not right some keep it hidden and continue to deny that the feeling is there and still burning bright its like a disease no cure is in sight it refuses to die, its just keeps growing in your mind some say their fine some keep it confined deep inside but all you are doing is ignoring the signs that disease has won and possesed your mind but you can fight it by remembering the past and all the good times that you had enjoyed for memories last forever and theyll always keep you sane just never give up and let it win just keep fighting until the very end. |
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| © Copyright 2005 the kid - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
hey kid, I really enjoyed your first post! Welcome to Pip! Please check your email for a special greeting  |
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WranglrButts9 Member
since 2004-10-24
Posts 108Iowa, US |
Wow.. that was... really good. Obviously not your first write.. welcome to PiP! Hope you enjoy your stay! Bailey Good judgment comes from experience, |
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the kid Junior Member
since 2005-06-24
Posts 16 |
haha actualy that was my very first i wrote it the othr day in class (sumr skool) never knew i could but i guess i can now lol |
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the kid Junior Member
since 2005-06-24
Posts 16 |
well i hav a big question from you guys can you like pick apart my poem nd tell me evrything i did wrong so i dont mess up in the future |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
It is indeed a great first write, and as I said in Critical Analysis - if it is to read as a poem, then you will need to add line breaks and some puntuation or emphasis on where the reader should pause. Poetry in itself doesn't have to have all the required punctuation as paragraph writing (or atleast that is MY opinion) even still, as a reader... I want to take a breath of air now and again, and it's up to the writer to let me know where and when is a good place. I would say, polish it up as far as line breaks and pauses and then you'll have a great write here. Tima  |
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shara Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 69florida/USA |
dude, this was an awesome write, i look forward to reading more from you!!!!! i like the details you added and the visual you gave me, keep up the good writes. later. sha_sha |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
i agree with Tima, line breaks and such punctuation is needed in poetry and makes it easier to read. but i enjoyed it still love will make you beautiful |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
this is a really good write....u say it is ur 1st?? this is great for a first! i like it alot! ~spaz02 |
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