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Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

0 posted 2005-05-25 03:29 PM

Hey everyone, I just wrote this quickly so dont be that harsh with critiques because i know theres alot to fix it so just read and enjoy!!

Here I lay all alone crying at night
Wondering where the sun went with not a ray in my sight
My life has clouded over
Knowing inside I will never love another

Another girl who I will care about as much as I do you
You were the one who had my heart to keep
Instead you were the one who chose to break it in two
Leaving me to weep

We used to talk each other everyday
Never did I think that would all go away
Until that day it came to an abrupt end
Wheres the needle and thread cause its my heart that needs to mend

So what if we have to try a little harder then most
My love for you will travel from coast to coast
Why are you so afraid and only believe the reasons we cant
When deep down your love and mine we can grant

Look at me im dying inside
Yearning for you to just take me in your arms and be my side
We love each other so why continue to put up a fight
I was raised to never give up and baby you are my every kind of right.

[This message has been edited by Sweetpoet16m4u04 (05-27-2005 10:38 PM).]

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

1 posted 2005-05-27 06:43 AM

this is beautiful chris...
im sure you will find someone who will fight as hard for you as you will for them... it will take time but it will be worth it in the end... if you ever need somone to vent to feel free to email me its chickkybabe@hotmail.com
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2005-05-29 08:02 PM

See Chris I'd told you I'd come back and reply to your poem.

Anyway, I told you before that one day she'll come back to you and say how much she loves you and how she wants to make your relationship work. Just give it time.

Love ya,
Alli

*AIM = Alli4000* Journal!

aRiEsAnGeL
Member

since 2004-03-04

Posts 53
Florida

3 posted 2005-06-04 02:00 PM

I got goosebumps when i read the last part,
"baby,you are my every kind of right"....that was wonderful.Love to you!

moonguardian2004
Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 64
MA, USA

4 posted 2005-06-08 08:58 PM

Great job hun, especially considering you said you wrote that quickly. It was very emotional and defenitely will make everyone that reads it think (all good thoughts of course)!

Mere

~*To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness for that is when stars shine oh so bright !~

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