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Teen Poetry #7
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Smoothy
Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119
The dark side of the moon

0 posted 2005-04-14 10:43 PM



It's been a little while since I've posted something, so I may or may not have gotten a bit rusty. This just came to me, so I thought I'd share. My apologies go out to anyone who doesn't like the rhyming. I try to be lyrical ;P
****************************************************

A fleeting glance,
A smile and laugh,
Is that all it takes before I'm had?

Is it that easy,
To win me over?
I should at least attempt to get to know her,

She's really cute,
And that's a start,
Is that all it takes to win my heart?

I wonder if,
I'll ever get
To talk to her because I haven't yet,

I am caught in another crush,
Sometimes it feels like it's just too much,
I wish my heart would just make up its mind,
Because its been in love too many times,

I feel stupid,
For feeling this way,
Because I fall in love every day...

****************************************************
Of course, now that I've typed it all out and gone over it in my head, I don't seem to like it. I'm my own worst critic...

Rebel of the sacred heart

© Copyright 2005 Bryan Nascak - All Rights Reserved
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2005-04-14 11:33 PM


it's terribly cute....I loved it. I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way, I know i did when I was a teen.

don't be so hard on yourself...I really think it's wonderful. and if you are looking for a title I would personally go with 'To win me over'

PoeTik JusTice
Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186
California, USA
2 posted 2005-04-15 02:28 AM


Aww, I think this poem is so cute!!! It makes me smile.

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
     *~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
3 posted 2005-04-16 01:43 AM


I liked the ryhming. The whole poem was very different (and I mean that in a good way).
Great job, keep it up!

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

dodge_chick2003
Member
since 2004-01-18
Posts 136
California
4 posted 2005-04-18 01:07 AM


This poem is soo cute. You should give it to her. And dont be so hard on yourself.
aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
5 posted 2005-04-18 07:31 AM


this is very cute... the exact same thing happened to me last night.... so i cant be hypocritical about these kind of emotions... well written
keep writing
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

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