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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2005-04-10 03:14 PM

Don't use me as your escape
from your insecurities.
I've let you pass me by in grace,
as I bow down on my knees.

The dirt rises up in my face,
as you are left untouched and clean,
but now you've gone too far,
I'm not going to be caught in between.

Everytime I've let you go ahead,
you've taken all that's mine.
Anything that made me happy,
you took to display in your shrine.

It was always about you,
no matter who all it hurt.
Despite all the times it was me,
back to trusting you I'd revert.

Shame on me for trusting you again,
this time I won't be that dumb.
No longer will I be let down by you,
to your antics I will not succumb.

I hope you realize all that you've done,
after I've broken myself to help you.
It will be you who's left all alone,
left with no one and nothing to do.
-Erin

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

broken627
Member

since 2003-11-26

Posts 66
Eugene Oregon

1 posted 2005-04-10 07:29 PM

Wow, loves it... I know exactly how you feel and I so needed to hear this right now! I cant wait to read more of your work~!later gorgeous<3
-*-mUaH-*-
-*-The way we choose to see the world creates the world we see-*-

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

2 posted 2005-04-11 06:55 AM

Wow, good write! I could really feel how you felt in that poem. Great job!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2005-04-11 02:14 PM

Just a suggestion but on this line, "no matter who all it hurt." I think it would flow alittle better without the 'all'.
Other than that, another awesome poem from you. I always love your work and I can really relate to this one.
Thanks for sharing.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

4 posted 2005-04-11 05:04 PM

i really like this, but some of the rhyming at the end just didn't do it for me. i can't put my finger on it, but some of it seemed a bit stilted...i mean it rhymed perfectly, but the word just didn't fit sometimes? i don't know. just a thought...otherwise it was a good piece.

bergundy

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

5 posted 2005-05-07 09:08 PM

Shame on me for trusting you again,
this time I won't be that dumb.
No longer will I be let down by you,
to your antics I will not succumb.

I hope you realize all that you've done,
after I've broken myself to help you.
It will be you who's left all alone,
left with no one and nothing to do

I liked this! definitely a good write, though i do agreem with Fearing Laughter, you seemed to kinda of forced the rhyme. just remember, it doesnt have to rhyme, its about the feelings not so much the structure, but besides that, i loved it. Congrats and thanks for the read

_keryn

By the way, your hands are shaking...

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