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Teen Poetry #7

No shore

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2005-03-26 03:54 AM

I question the one I love,
If she loves me still?
And I hold my breath,
For her to speak,
I love you always, she sings,

Then why are we apart,
You’ve taken my heart,
It is not yours to keep,
Give it back to me,

She says she will keep it
Safe and sound,
Away from hurt,

I take a sigh of relief,
For what she says
I wanted to believe,

Then one day I asked her,
How is my heart?
She said it is broken,
And it wasn’t her fault,

I ask her to help with the fix,
Somehow we can make it right,
But she says it is too late now,
She can’t help me,

I cry and cry,
My eyes never left to dry,
All I want is my heart back,

I ask her once more,
She has no words,
Left me like a sea
One without a shore.

I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2005-03-26 10:36 AM

Good simile at the end The rest of the poem could have used more simile/metaphor use. It wasn't bad, but nothing stellar either. the rhyme was stop and go, try to smooth it out and make it more consistant. Try not to use pink font next time.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2005-03-26 12:28 PM

pink is fine....

very sad write....you need to keep your heart for yourself, and give love from it. That way you control it, and you don't get it broken again.

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