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Teen Poetry #7
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remembrances failing to remember.
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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remembrances failing to remember. |
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electricxheart Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184far away from home. |
i’m sick of showing sympathy in these unneeded places. and spaces that become wedged between us again and again show no sign of ever walking away. but we’re so bruised. and is that really an excuse to bleed away the hours, and choke away the faults. at the bottom of your bed. well, i’ve only been there in my head. i hope you don’t mind that my bones are aching from you. aching away my years, my smiles. the fragments collide, i don’t know if this is right. because all it is, is remembrances failing to remember the feeling we got when we first became awkward at the sight of spilling our guts. they were sleepovers, just the two of us. your picture still remains at my bedside, never mentioned any of the times when i had the urge to throw up at the sight of your eyes gleaming so brightly. it makes me sick knowing that we will never be this real again. just a mirage of collective memories, over the years we never realized how fragile our smiles would become. and i loved the way your hands would run over the scars. like a secret mystery, you really thought you knew me. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Kelly Landis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
I never really know what to say when I read your work. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I'm left speechless nonetheless. Rebel of the sacred heart |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
first off, check your punctuation. secondly, this is too much "i love/hate you" for no rhyming. I guess if this is just a vent or something, then it is ok, but vents should be for personal use not for everyone to read and critique. you had some good ideas in this that i really liked, if you refine it more, it could be very good. |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
i really liked this, but i guess young blood had a stick up his bum. reading his reply actually kind of pissed me off. apparently poetry is only poetry if every line is punctuated, and written neatly in a completely dry and boring format eh? i'm sure you can tell what my opinion on his opinion is, but i just don't quite know how to say it without being edited anyway. anywho, i liked this, screw everyone who didn't. poetry is from the heart, and you can't get more real than a vent in my opinion. who gives a damn about grammar?? At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
I couldn't agree with you more fearing-laughter. Poetry is about emotions, not grammar or format. But Im not going to get into that. Great poem! I was so enthralled with it that if there even are grammar problems, I didn't notice. I love the last line especially. Thanks for sharing. If I could fall asleep tonight |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
electricxheart this is a wonderful piece of writing that seems as though it is filled with pain, grief and sorrow but also perhaps with slight glimpses of love, I really enjoyed your style and I hope to read more of your work soon. I would perhaps urge upon all of you however the need for tolerance, what is and isn’t poetry, is a matter of opinion, as is the notion that all poetry should have punctuation or should be punctuated in a certain way. I personally favour free verse with little or no punctuation and with unconventional punctuation at that; I can however see the appeal of rhyme and formal punctuation. |
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