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Smoothy
Member

since 2002-12-02

Posts 119
The dark side of the moon

0 posted 2005-01-09 12:36 PM

A forewarning: This is a really dark one that I wrote while deep in a depression. The worst depression I've ever been in actually. I came pretty close to not coming out of it. I digress though, on with the poetry.
----------------------------------------------------

Anguish in his shriveled heart,
A tortured soul lost in the dark,
He runs, he fights, to stay alive,
Despite his willingness to die,

He turns away the razor's kiss,
Denies the cold and peaceful bliss,
Too weak to fight, too strong to die,
All he does is wonder why,

It's so hard just to give it up,
To bury himself in the rut,
What's he think he's waiting for?
Life's not worth it anymore,

With these questions in his head,
He wishes hard that he were dead,
But when he looks down at the blade,
He knows it's not the choice he's made

"I hide myself behind them,
I put them on every day,
If you look you'll find them,
The masks I use to hide the pain"

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

1 posted 2005-01-09 12:44 PM

dark but expressive i like it

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2005-01-09 12:53 PM

I'm really glad you show suicide is not the option, but life is. I'm glad you aren't there anymore. Life has so much to offer! No it isn't always easy or happy for that matter, but oh there sure are some wonderful things I would never never want to miss!

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

3 posted 2005-01-09 12:55 PM

This was amazing, and certainly something I can relate to. It's only flaw was a disruption in flow in the first two lines of the third stanza. Aside from that, this was as smooth as satin in my head. Thanks for sharing, this one is going into the library.

Smoothy
Member

since 2002-12-02

Posts 119
The dark side of the moon

4 posted 2005-01-09 01:04 PM

Thanks, all of you. I didn't know this would get replies so quickly. Yes, I was pretty down for a while, but I pulled through it all the same.

Savage Quiescence- I think that's because I hit a chorus while I was going through it in my head ^_^

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2005-01-09 04:44 PM

I'm glad that you chose to live! Suicide just isn't the answer.

~Alli~

Happy 2005!

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

6 posted 2005-01-10 01:04 AM

I know all to well of how that feels. It sucks being depressed and have severe suicidal thoughts. I've been down that road myself, and chosing to live sometimes seems ridiculous, but in the end it is the right choice..

Awesome job by the way. I'm saving it to my library.

"Stand still awhile and dream of the times when your heart felt full." ~Reina Nash~ R.I.P. 9*6*04 You'll always be remembered, I love you!

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2005-01-10 03:58 PM

This is so expressive, and really puts into words well what a lot of us feel.
I love this one So much. My favorite lines were, "too weak to fight, too strong to die." Wow, I can relate to that soo well.
Excellent job!

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

8 posted 2005-01-28 11:12 PM

i agree with winterwren's reply about that line being the best. i'm sure a lot of people have felt this way, and i'm glad you could sum it up but still make it positive in a weird way..i don't kno wmy thoughts are running in circles. anyway...what i mean to say is good stuff.

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

9 posted 2005-02-18 07:27 PM

This was dark, deep, and awesome....'Nuff said. lol.

"Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

10 posted 2005-02-18 10:43 PM

You know you probably expressed better than I have ever read what it really feels like to get into this headspace and then find the way out. Millions feel as this, but some were not as lucky as you. A great message to the reader that life is worth the effort. Nice job!

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