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AllThatGlitters4321
Junior Member

since 2001-10-03

Posts 45

0 posted 2004-11-28 05:09 PM

She grew up in a small town
Her parents raised her right
Wasn't familiar with the world
Never let her leave there sight
Guess they thought it would be better that way
...
Mamma i got somethin to tell you
I know you aint gonna like what i gotta say
I wanna get out and explore
There so much out there for me
You don't have to worry mamma
i'll be back real soon just you wait and see
...
There babygirl packed her bags
She loaded up her car
Her parents watched wishing she'd changed her mind
...
Don't worry Ma i'll be fine!
This would just be our luck
her mamma said as the tears rolled down her eyes
Her Daddy squeezed her, trying hard not to cry.

We gotta let you grow up sometime i suppose
Can't hold you down forever
You be careful babygirl,
it's very scary out there
Much different then down here

There is alot of violence in the city
Alot of people takin you for granted
You gotta be careful baby,
There is alot of men that will think you're pretty
They could use you for there shows

You may not understand what i mean now
But if you go, you will see
The city isn't made for a small town girl
This is the only place you'll ever need.

(It's not completely finished, i need to touch up...but please tell me what you think)
*Thanks for Reading*

WranglrButts9
Member

since 2004-10-24

Posts 108
Iowa, US

1 posted 2004-11-28 10:28 PM

I love this! I am a small town girl myself, and dont really ever want to live in a big city, other than to go to college. I have a feeling my parents will be saying something like this the day I leave. I really enjoyed this!!!!

Bailey

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

AllThatGlitters4321
Junior Member

since 2001-10-03

Posts 45

2 posted 2004-11-28 11:57 PM

Thanks...i know, my cousin lives in a small town and this is what gave me the idea, because her parents don't want her coming to where i live, because of all the "crime"

dodge_chick2003
Member

since 2004-01-18

Posts 136
California

3 posted 2005-03-28 05:58 PM

Hey I was born in a small town in Michigan and I just recently moved to Redding California, believe me I would move back to the small town I once knoew than live here, Its dirty, loud and all around it sucks.

Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

4 posted 2005-03-28 09:16 PM

Hey first of all id like to say welcome to passions!! As for the poem i think it is wonderful!! The imagery is fantastic because I myself grew up in a small town! It is very tough watching the parents let go but as us as kids we need to experience what else is out there then stickin to a town where u know everyone!! I was the same way as I went off to college. Anyway I look forward to reading some more from you and maybe u will read some of mine. If you ever want to meet a new friend and just want to talk u can im me my screen name is chrissccr18.

Chris

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

5 posted 2005-03-28 10:31 PM

all around its a good poem i am also a small town girl the only thing that drew my eyes away was u used there instead of their talkin bout the parents... good write tho

laura

-hold on to the one you love

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

6 posted 2005-03-29 09:09 PM

aside from some grammatical errors that a quick revision wold fix there is little to critique.

it is didactic but good.

you are right it is unfinished, and i urge you to go forward with it through the whole story - it could be Great.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

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